Enter At Your Own Peril by @aka_fatman

@aka_fatman attempts a review of a cult classic as part of the Autistic Self-Advocacy Network fundraiser.  PERILS OF GWENDOLINE IN THE LAND OF THE YIK YAKS 1984, France Just Jaeckin I was given a choice by @HeSlimedMeRay of either doing a film review of Ponette – a 1996 film about a 4-year old who deals with the emotional turmoil …

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To Witness the Death of a Pigeon by @ewfeez

“Yeah, I saw it all go down. I’m walking and here comes this white van. Then I see this pigeon, and everything’s slow motion. The engine’s whir: Vrrrrrrooooommmmm. The flapping, Flllaaaaaaap, fllllaaaaaap, floooooooop. The impact: Prrrssshhhhhhtttttmmmmllllllooof. The image is gonna stay with me. I may start drinking.” “What a scene. Red feathers. Floating feathers. A …

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My Last Chance by @ruinedpicnic

She is beautiful. She sits on bench beside me, wrapped up in a scarf and a long coat. She watches the train arrive, then looks to me and says “This is it.” “You have a few minutes.” I tell her, taking her hand in mine and squeezing it tight. She inches closer to me, resting …

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Bathroom Strategy by @Turbo_Jimmy

Anyone who has ever taken the truly magically journey of misery that is using a public men’s bathroom will know several things; forgetting to put the toilet seat down is the very LEAST of men’s toilet crimes. Yes someone apparently CAN piss on the entire ceiling, yes a hauntingly vast amount of dudes take a …

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The Mortician by @iamspacegirl

They display their dead like Easter hams- Carefully glazed to look pleasant and fresh. They mourn by decoration and so I decorate.   His daughter approaches, To ask about flowers- Arrangements, and the meaning of each bloom. I smell her Belgian perfume and wonder If she ever sent candy-grams to his desk When he was alive …

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Extra In A Porn by @bethany_white8

“You watch Gotham last night?” my coworker Greg asks casually, pouring himself a lukewarm cup of Joe from the office coffee maker. “I know it sounds like a dumb show,” he continues, “but it’s not half-bad once you’re a few episodes in.” “You know, I keep meaning to watch it but I can never remember …

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Responses to Issues of National Concern in 3 Emojis or Less by @runolgarun

Student Debt Crisis: graduation cap emoji, money flying away emoji, weeping emoji Police Militarization: police car emoji, white police officer emoji, “SOS” emoji Diminishing Abortion Rights: salsa dancing woman emoji, creepy baby emoji, disheartened woman emoji Climate Change: clock set to 11:50pm emoji, volcano erupting emoji, hand waving goodbye emoji Institutional Failure to Prevent Sexual Assault: eggplant emoji, thumbs down emoji Inability of Wage Increases to Keep Up with …

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Room 304 by @Jeffwni

Norbert had cancer. It was eating him up for so long now that he didn’t pay any attention to it any more, despite the ever present pain. Harold was mainly suffering of dementia. He had forgotten all of his past as a stone mason and was now maintaining the looks and habits of a little polite …

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Don’t read this by @ElleOhHell

You didn’t fucking read this at all, did you. I knew it. I posted a link on a website and you saw the link and browsed right past it. Well I caught you this time, you little bastard. Yeah, I called you a bastard. What’re you gonna do? Remain ignorant of it? Yes. Because you …

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Great Tweets From The Last Week (Oct 9)

No I don't want to go to a haunted house for fun, I'm scared by like 500 normal things every day — audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) October 7, 2015 [1908 board meeting]exec: what are we gonna call this cookie?nabisco's time-traveling robot: HYDROX, CALL IT HYDROX pic.twitter.com/SEdStqb4YP — men's pantsuit (@menspantsuit) October 7, 2015 Every time somebody …

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The Rat King by @trojansauce

I left the pub and staggered down the street. It was dark and the streetlights lit me in pools of orange. As I stepped out of each glowing net, the darkness engulfed me until I reached the next. I would almost collapse as I lurched into the light each time, the sweet relief of visibility …

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Cigarettes by @cloudypianos

When my dad was five he lived in Chicago and my grandma Constance would ask him to go buy her a carton of cigarettes because she was a painter and she had paint all over her clothes and didn’t like to leave the house when she didn’t feel pretty. She was like my other grandma …

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I Tweet A Lot by @thenatewolf

  I care about twitter. It means a lot to me. I put a concerted effort into entertaining and connecting with the people who choose to follow me. I wrote this to try and explain why. My personality is a double-edged sword. It exists somewhere between driven and obsessive. When I’m focused in the right …

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Great Tweets From The Last Week (September 11)

Me: [gazing up at moon] can't believe you were up thereNeil Armstrong: me neither…Neil's secret jerkoff spotMe: jesus uncle neil — refriend beans (@pharmasean) September 11, 2015 "I LOVE YOU" she screamed internally as she watched the soft, fat, yellow lab puppy sloppily walk away. — Alicia Tobin (@AliciaATobin) September 10, 2015 Why do we …

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New Classes by @mscarlosdanger

Agricultural Studies 150: Intro to Crop Tops History 202: History of That Weird Cheese That’s Been in Your Fridge For a While Now — It’s Still Good, Right, Because, Like, All Cheese is Mold? Philosophy 358: You’re Quoting Marx Incorrectly, Asshole Biology 127: Teeth Are Bones, Doesn’t That Fuck You Right Up Psychology 212: Why …

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Great Tweets From The Last Week (Sept 4)

I sit down beside a dog."420 am I right?"I try to put a pair of sunglasses on him.He walks away."That's cool. I've got stuff to do too." — Chris Bucholz (@ChrisBucholz) September 3, 2015 I went to a museum today & this was the best thing I saw pic.twitter.com/wl7zHjzLO8 — Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) August 26, …

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The Art of Trumping by @Diane_7A

“He was a war hero because he was captured.  I like people that weren’t captured.” -future U.S. President, Emperor, and Dark Overlord Donald Trump Was Donald Trump’s latest message unpopular?  Without a doubt.  Unapologetic?  Definitely.  But was it unprecedented?  Not chance.  Trump is not the first to make controversial comments during a presidential campaign.  The …

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Smoke by @trojansauce

  It was only supposed to be a taste. When I think back, I suppose I’d been thinking about it for a while before then. There were other drugs; smaller ones, safer ones. The drugs you could take in a park and nobody would bat an eyelid. The kind you didn’t even need to hide. …

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THE FALL PREVIEW REVIEW by @fro_vo

  Since there is nothing on TV in August except reruns and horribly doomed reality shows, I spend the time I would normally watch TV to check up on all of the hype and previews for upcoming Fall season.   Here are my first impressions of the previews, hopefully sparing you from wasting the time I …

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