Turns Out Space Is Really Big by @thenatewolf

 

Wild news today as that satellite that we sent into space is back and the findings are almost unbelievable.

“The information that this satellite has learned,” said Ronnie Shingles, Head of NASA, “has the potential to completely change the way we think about the universe.”

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The Viking X-7 was designed as a sort of interstellar scout. Built in the late 1980’s, the probe was launched with the hope of one day returning with answers to some of the biggest questions we have about our universe. The Viking X-7 returned safely yesterday and experts have been working around the clock since then to analyze the data.

 

“We are learning a lot of different things,” said Shingles, “but I think the conclusions we are seeing from the statistics point to one thing in particular; that space is very, very large. Like fucking huge. Like MASSIVE.”

 

Since the news broke, a number of scientists have tried to put the data into a frame of reference. Most are discovering that it is hard to find something big enough to compare the universe with.

 

“Imagine Mount Everest,” said one super nerdy smart guy, “it’s like a million billion Mount Everests times a bunch.”

 

“Our galaxy is but a mere drop of water in the ocean of space,” said a really shrewd lady. “We tried to print the number out on paper but it was taking forever and we had to change the toner like ten times and it was still only half way done so we were like fuuuuuuuucccckkkkk thhhhhhhaaaaaatttttt.”

 

“How long would it take to travel across the Universe?” asked another nerdburger, “it would be like riding your bike from your mom’s house to the store and back all day for soooooooo long.”

 

Yes, it turns out space is real big.

 

Here are some quick space facts to help you try to wrap your feeble little monkey brain around how big it actually is:

 

– Space is bigger than the opening weekend of a movie about Jesus, The Beatles and Elvis Presley crashing The Titanic into the Avatar planet.

 

– Space is bigger than all the whales in the ocean put together times a billion.

 

– Space is so big it makes Xena’s vagina look small.

 

– Space is so fat we should be worried about it getting type two diabetes.

 

– If you laid space end to end it would go to the moon and back at least five times.

 

 

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