Best Time In History To Be A Pirate by @thenatewolf


A class of criminal once thought to be dead or dying has once again become the kind of lifestyle to tempt young men and rattle the establishment. That’s right; being a pirate has never been better.

“I sail the internet and take what digital plunders I find pleasing” said Captain Nathan Usher from his ship: The Toshiba Laptop. “I snatched a rare foreign film from Singapore this morning and will steal more from Mexico, Russia and The Americas by the end of the night. Then I will feast on creamed soda and popped tarts before I sleep in satisfied bliss.”

The pirating trend can be defined as an explosion with millions of ships sailing around the globe. Pirates of every race age and culture have sojourned into the digital sea, literally taking no prisoners. With authorities of every culture scrambling to stem the epidemic, pirates are finding little trouble staying a few steps ahead of every attempt to slow the orgy of intellectual property theft.

“They are trying harder than ever to stop us. The film industry, television, publishing, gaming, applications; they are all doing their damndest” said Captain Usher “but it is easier than ever to get whatever you want. How does that add up at the end of the day? I mean really, this is the glory days of Pirating. I have running water, no rivals, no threat of mutiny, useful prosthetic limbs if need be and I can wear pyjama pants while I do it. So I ask you: Who is a better pirate, me- warm and alive and safe or Blackbeard- who got stabbed over some shiny rocks?

In any event, there seems to be no signs of slowing down. Microsoft announced plans for a once and for all, permanent and un-crackable security system. “I don’t know what it is yet” said one of the millions super computer nerds in the world “but we will crack it in a fortnight.”

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