A Philosophical debate has been playing out in the life of young wolf and globetrotting playboy ‘Nasty’ Nate Usher as two sides of an argument have raged inside the prolific writer.
“I know that my friends and family and fans see me as sort of a golden god of beautydom,” said Nathan from his office inside Skull Cave, “but the truth is that I am human like the rest of the pathetic and worthless masses…even a man as awesome and snazzy as me has a few flaws.”
In a career that has included over 20 New York Times bestsellers, three Academy Awards and a Kid’s-Choice award for his Nickelodeon adaptation of Elie Wiesel’s ‘Night’, the Natewolf still is not satisfied. He isn’t looking far to find a positive role model.
“I am really starting to feel like I have been going about my life in the wrong way,” said the handsome writer, “sure I have been productive in bursts but the truth is that compared to my beard and fingernails, I am a fucking loser.”
In the classic tortoise vs. hare scenario, Nate is engaged in a battle with his human form and seems to be losing to his body’s slow and steady approach.
“Sometimes I laugh at my beard” said Nate, “I’m like: Hey beard how’s that one millimeter a day thing going? Sup toenails? I just wrote a screenplay while you were working on growing past the cliff of my little piggy… but in the end my body always has the last laugh. While I slink into another three-month orgy of unproductivity, my various hairs and nails just keep on trucking. Day and night, sleet or snow, they just keep fucking going. They are like if Rudy delivered mail.”
Nate’s beard and nails were unwilling to take time away from growing to answer any of our questions or even release a statement.
“Their dedication is unbelievable,” said Nate when informed of that fact, “I could really learn a lot from how they run their show.”