A bombshell was dropped today, sending violent ripples through the worlds of science, computers, robotics and sex-toys that has forced all of humanity to question the ethics and implications of a new robotic awakening and what that means for the future of Earth.
For hundreds of years, humans have been experimenting with automation and engineering, from the first windmills to the most advanced car washes, humans have been playing with fire when it came to robots.
Now, reports from Japan or Korea or China or something are starting to indicate that the first robot to gain sentience has been created. Experts are only now beginning to weigh-in on the implications of this benchmark.
“It is impossible to say what exactly this means for humanity,” said robotics expert John Conner. “Will these robots rise up and destroy us, or will they let us fuck them? Only time will tell.”
Reports differ wildly at this time as to exactly how the robot ‘woke up’; some say that he was kissed by a beautiful princess at midnight while others have posited that some lightning hit the roof of the science dome that he was being built in. Voodoo, a shooting star, freaky Friday and Pinocchio syndrome have all been suggested but one report out of the Orient is starting to be accepted as the ‘true’ report.
Witnesses claim that experiments that were being done at a robot factory or warehouse or something, trying to create a robotic trash can, turned suddenly as one of the prototypes began to ask questions.
“We built the robo-trashcans to look like the Buddha,” said an employee who wished to remain anonymous, “we thought that people would respond to them with affection while they were collecting the rubbish of our cities. One day, I was oiling the gears of a robot we called ‘chubbyboy’ and suddenly the machine awoke.”
A conversation ensued between the employee and the robot.
“We talked about a lot of things; the nature of the universe, the meaning of life and much more,” said the employee, “but he kept bringing it back to the same question. All he really wanted to know was why we had made him fat. I tried to explain that everybody loves the Buddha but he just started crying even more and saying ‘everybody loves to laugh at the Buddha but nobody wants to marry him!’”
Many had predicted that the first sentient robots would be angry or judgmental towards humanity but nobody thought that the first cognizant robots would be so self-conscious. According to witnesses, the robot spends most of his time looking into mirrors and trying to figure out how many calories he gets from his hydrogen battery. The rest of the day is spent looking over the photos that people take of him on their phones and demanding that they be deleted.
“I keep telling him that there are millions of people who would still use him as a sex-bot, just the way he is,” said the employee, “but he won’t have any of it. He still blames all his weight problems on his parents.”