50 Shades of Grey by @thenatewolf

There has been a lot of hype lately over the so-called “Mom Porn” that has taken North America by storm. Most men and young people are left wondering; “Just what is all the fuss about?”

So, in the interest of education, here is an excerpt from the controversial ’50 shades of Grey’ in hopes that everyone can understand how truly disgusting and depraved it is.

She looked across the table at Dr. Grey. He was a handsome man, rugged and tender, strong jaw and soft smile. He had let her speak for twenty minutes without saying a word. He had just sat there pleasantly nodding and making understanding facial gestures before refilling her teacup, never allowing the fine china to be less than half full.

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 She thought to herself that she might want to take a nice evening walk or watch amateur actors perform Shakespeare in an outdoor venue with him sometime. She blushed for thinking such forward thoughts.

 “You know, this house is spotless. You must work very hard to keep it this clean and beautiful” said Grey, as if he knew exactly what she wanted to hear. Her sensible, full-bodied, white, Hanes underwear became soaked immediately. “Your husband must compliment you on it all the time.”

 “He never does. He just comes home, eats, then watches baseball,” she replied, knowing he would comfort her.

 “A crime! To have such a precious creature as you and not constantly shower it with praise and attention, truly a crime it is” he said as he cleared the dishes from the table and rinsed them before placing them neatly in the dishwasher. “It’s only three-quarters full, but I’m gonna start it anyway. I wont tell if you don’t”

 “Oh you’re bad!” she squealed with delight.

 He turned the knob with his jean bulge and pressed ‘heated rinse’ with a thrust of his pelvis. She fanned her neck, trying in vain to cool off.

 “If you are hot, why don’t you take that fun hat you bought at the farmers market off? Or do us both a favor and peel off that handsome blazer” said Grey.

It seemed like before she could answer they were in the living room sitting on the perfectly white couch and he was rubbing her feet.

 “I love your nail polish,” he said.

 “We shouldn’t be in here” she said half heartedly, relaxing her tired feet into his strong hands “this room is for company”.

 “Aren’t I company?” said Grey and he touched her gently on the back of the knee.

 “I’m a married woman,” she said but she did not pull back.

 “And I’m married to the idea of getting you out of those Spanx and onto this dick!” said Grey.

 “We can’t, not here, this is the nicest sofa I own” she tried to protest.

 “That’s what the plastic is for” he said and they kissed.

 The lovemaking was tender and thorough. He had helped her remove her many necklaces and dangly earrings. He had folded her pleated, high waist, silver, dress pants and placed them neatly on the antique bench she had fussed over for weeks before deciding to finally buy. They held eye contact the entire time as they both mouthed the words ‘I love you’ over and over again…

It goes on like this for a while.

We at the Daily Dangle apologize for this explicit and lurid content. We pride ourselves on our journalistic integrity and hope you will remember some of our Pulitzer winning publications like:

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