A Man in A Chicken Suit by @primawesome

A man wearing a chicken suit sits alone in an interrogation room. The room is all white and has a sterile hospital vibe to it.

 

Moments later a man enters the room. Or at least what appears to be a man. He looks human in every way other than his blue skin and bright yellow eyes. He also wears a simple shirt and pants, white as the room around him.

 

The BLUE MAN sits at the table across from the man in the chicken suit and opens up a file folder.

 

BLUE MAN: What are you supposed to be?

 

CHICKEN SUIT MAN: I’m a chicken, dude. Don’t you guys know what chickens are?

 

BM: Yes. It’s just a terrible costume. Do you know why you’re here?

 

CSM: Yeah, because you creepy little blue bastards abducted me.

 

BM: Not abducted, arrested.

 

CSM: For what? I was just crossing the street, then one of you Smurfs zapped me and I woke up here.

 

BM: Please don’t call us that. That’s a derogatory term.

 

CSM: Well, don’t talk shit about my chicken suit.

 

BM: Fine. You’re here because you were jaywalking.

 

CSM: Are you fucking kidding me? Jaywalking?

 

BM: You broke the law. We enforce the law.

 

CSM: But it’s jaywalking. Everyone jaywalks.

 

BM: Not anymore they don’t. Since we’ve taken over your planet crime has come to a stop. ALL crime. You should be grateful.

 

CSM: Grateful? Are you kidding me? You know what? Whatever. Can I just pay a fine or whatever and get out of here?

 

BM: That’s not how this works. We don’t just want to punish you for the crime, we want to ensure that you will not commit it again in the future. And to do that we must get to the bottom of why you felt the need to jaywalk.

 

CSM: This is retarded.

 

BM: The sooner we get to the bottom of this, the sooner you can leave.

 

CSM: Ugh fine. Well, I just got off work…

 

BM: (interrupting) And where is it you work?

 

CSM: Tony’s Chicken. I was late again today, so Tony made me wear this TERRIBLE chicken suit and hand out samples out front.

 

BM: Late again? So you have a history of not following the rules? Interesting. Continue.

 

CSM: Well, after standing out in the sun for a few hours in this suit I finally snapped. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I just walked away.

 

BM: Why not go inside and change?

 

CSM: I wasn’t really thinking clearly. I just had enough, and walked away.

 

BM: Ok, fair enough, but why jaywalk? There was a crosswalk 50ft away.

 

CSM: Like I said, I wasn’t thinking clearly. I was angry, and dehydrated, and just wanted to be somewhere else.

 

BM: That doesn’t explain why you broke the law. I need to find the reason, or if we let you go you might do it again.

 

CSM: (very frustrated) Who am I hurting by jaywalking?!

 

BM: Society. All laws must be followed. Without order there is only chaos, which is the state your planet was in before we assumed control. We intend to keep order.

 

CSM: It’s not like I killed someone!

 

BM: Irrelevant. Now, WHY did you jaywalk?

 

CSM: (becoming frantic) I don’t know! It was hot! This chicken suit stinks! I just wanted to be anywhere but there!

 

BM: But why not just use the crosswalk?

 

CSM: I DON’T KNOW, YOU FUCKING SMURF! I. DON’T. KNOW.

 

BM: I asked you not to call me that.

 

The Blue Man stands up and pulls a very futuristic looking pistol from his hip-holster. He points it at CSM.

 

BM: Last chance. Why?

 

CSM: (crying) Please. I don’t know. I swear.

 

The Blue Man shoots CSM with a bright red laser that instantly eviscerates him.

 

Another Blue Man opens the door and pokes his head into the interrogation room.

 

Other Blue Man: Did you find out why the chicken crossed the road?

 

BM: He didn’t know.

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