I always thought those wild stories in your magazine were made up, that is, until this happened to me. It was a hot, sunny day and I had spent all morning doing yard work. Needless to say, I had a good sweat going, so I decided to take off my shirt. I spotted my neighbour looking over the fence at me and she turned away when I caught her glance. I smiled and said ‘hello’ and she did the same.

“Hot enough for you?” I asked her.

“It’s supposed to be like this all weekend,” she replied.

“That’s what I heard. Oh, hey, we’re going away next week, do you mind taking our newspapers inside?”

“Yeah, no problem. Have a good day.”

“You too, thanks.”

Later that afternoon I fell asleep on the couch eating M&Ms and watching my ‘Mr. Belvedere’ tapes. I awoke several hours later to find a pile of the delicious candy on my chest and what did I find? One shaped just like Sarah Michelle Gellar’s nose. Can you believe that? Sarah Michelle Gellar’s nose!

P.S. I would have included a picture of it, but my idiot son, Matt, ate it from its display case

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