Everyone says that the human brain is "so amazing" but I don't think it tastes any different than the other parts
— Drew Janda (@drewjanda) September 30, 2014
A guy tried to holla at me today and I interrupted him, "oh no thank you," like he was selling magazine subscriptions or something?
— Amanda (@mobydong) October 3, 2014
The working title for "Eat, Pray, Love" was "Privilege, Privilege, Privilege".
— Solomon Georgio (@solomongeorgio) October 4, 2014
The person who started the saying "my partner in crime" WAS A FUCKIN SNITCH.
— Greg Santos (@GregorySantos) October 4, 2014
My cat was adopted from the streets and has two gay moms. All she needs is to learn an instrument and a language and she's Ivy League bound.
— GABY DUNN (@gabydunn) October 4, 2014
I bet Nancy Grace masturbates to Gone Girl.
— Sara Benincasa (@SaraJBenincasa) October 5, 2014
Yes ebola is terrible but let's talk about more immediate threats like commercials that make it sound like my phone has an incoming text
— Ed (@smedlee) October 5, 2014
My son's favorite movie is always the last one he saw. It's hard to trust people like that.
— Shawn Hatosy (@ShawnHatosy) October 5, 2014
Cultivate an air of mystery online by being too depressed to post anything
— Amy Spiker (@ASpiker) October 8, 2014