My Expert Guide To Love & Dating by @smickable

People nowadays are so apt to forgo traditional dating for “hooking up”. But I’m here to say old-fashioned dating is an essential part of falling in love. You should enjoy it. After all, it is the beginning of the nightmare you will later refer to as your relationship.

People often ask me what I suggest for these dates. I was going to submit this guide to Cosmopolitan soon, but here it is all naked and glowing for your consideration.

Dates 1-24:

Should take place during the daytime. No touching.
Try not to cry over your undressed salad. Ask Yes or No questions ONLY.

Bring a panel of your loved ones.

Dates 25-36:

This is when you relax a little.
Tell a comical anecdote.
Take off your shoes.
Exclaim that you once saw a bear.
Count to 1,000 before running away. (but do come back) Call each other’s parents and preemptively apologize. Remember kissing is where babies come from.

Dates 37-59 :
Here is where you seal the deal.
Decide if CIALIS is right for you.
Let them see what’s in your medicine cabinet.
Let them see what’s in your dream journal. (if applicable) Eat nothing but hamburger helper.
Bond by making a mirror COMPLETELY from scratch. Draw them what you think a dog looks like.

It worked? Congratulations! Your wedding day should be coming up soon! Make sure you set a date before one or both parties realizes that all is ephemeral.

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