SOCIAL QS by @shutupmikeginn

Is it OK to Eat Your Dead Pet?


What even is a pet?

First of all: great question. The bond between human and pet is a sacred one, dating as far back as 8,000 BC when ‘having a dog’ was invented. Since the invention of having a dog, there have been many imitators (cats, birds, even some guys have snakes), but they all follow the same basic premise: you can selectively breed traits in animals that make them totally dependent on you, and then you call it companionship when they don’t wander off.   In a sense, pets are like people: if you spend enough time with one, you’ll eventually project yourself onto them enough that your narcissism befriends them.

Why can’t you eat your pet after it dies?

Generally speaking, most pets are animals that are considered to have ‘taboo meat’ anyways, meaning meat that’s frowned upon regardless of the animals pet status. Taboo meat is generally meat that has been forbidden by religious texts, and has bacterial properties. So for health reasons you wouldn’t really want to eat anything you’d keep as a pet. Also-

What if the pet was a pig?

Pigs are acceptable both as pets and as food, the best of both worlds. You shouldn’t eat ‘Babe Pig In the City’ but it’s fine to eat ‘baby pig on a farm.’ The soulbond between pet and owner exists beyond the lifetime of either participant. Eating the flesh of your companion could potentially taint your fond memories. It would be comparable to desecrating the flesh of an idol.

Did you know your dog would eat you, if you died?

No, he would never-

Did you know dogs eat their owners body’s every year, and they’ve even been known to eat dead toes in live diabetes patients?

Wow, that’s messed up. It’s spooky that they know just the toe is dead. But uh: That is probably just part of their evolutionary parameters. Dogs lived off human trash for thousands of years before their domestication; it would be an evolutionary benefit for them to eat the flesh of anything before it rotted and could cause bacterial infection. This ancient health tip doesn’t reflect poorly on the dog, or mean he doesn’t love me.

Why are some animals allowed to be pets, some not allowed to be pets, and some can be both?

Some animals are pets because they make your body llicite a response normally saved for your baby. The big eyes, vocal ranges, everythingin mainstream pets is meant to trick your body into thinking you’re with a baby. But they don’t do this just to trick you, symbiotic evolution has made them just as dependent on your effection. It is love at a biological level. Animals that don’t do this are just electrified meat bags. Pigs are the exception to this rule because they’re very loveable (create a parental physiological response) but we still eat them anyways. It’s a matter of emotional proximity to the individual pig that dictates wheather or not you can eat it.

So it’s never ok to eat dogs, but it’s ok to eat a pig, unless you let it hang out? Why are some pigs created more equally than others?

Ok fine add it to the giant list of stupid etiquette and social cues you adhere to everyday. You can’t fight all of them, you’d go crazy, you’d drive everyone else crazy, no one would talk to you, and you’d die alone and that’d be what you deserved. Just because you can see the moral flaw in something doesn’t mean you have to act on it. In fact most of the time it pays not to act on it. Do i let ethics define my behavior? Of course not. If i did that everytime I walked by a homeless person I’d let them stay at my house and try to help them get back onto their feet. It’s all just fear of being ostracized. You don’t have the energy to rebel against something of this magnitude no one does.

Can I eat my dead pig now?

Save me a rib.





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