Sweet Love: the George Lopez & Tim Allen story by @hammerfist3



George Lopez: I’m so wet


Tim Allen: I’m Also wet


Georg: Want to gently kiss?


Tim: I have the Tools, at this Time (my lips)


*they smooch*


[Later That Night]

*Tim Allen answers the door in a bathrobe*


Tim: George what are you doing here?


George Lopez: I can’t stop thinkin of you


*Tim Allen rips off his Nice Jeans*

Tim Allen: Come on in (winks at camera)


George Lopez: Oh my


Tim: Is something wrong?


George: I’m nervous


Tim Allen: Don’t be nervous, George Lopez, I don’t bite…much


George Lopez: Okay but let’s take things slow


Tim: Slow, but also sensual….


*Tim Allen leans in close to george & gently licks his ear lobe*

Tim Allen: I will treat you right, George Lopez.


George Lopez: Mama Mia!


George Lopez: *pulls away* Yo do you ever put a dildo on a power drill?


Tim Allen: I think you already know the answer to that, George…


George Lopez: I have become hard


Tim Allen: Glad to hear that seeing as we are both older gentlemen who might usually have trouble with that


*They both laugh*


George Lopez: (while taking off his pants) … I can still get hard at any time.


Tim Allen: Me too


George: I’m hard. Now.


Tim Allen: I purchased a gallon jug of KY jelly.


George Lopez: I have Twister the game.


Tim: Let’s butter each other up.


George: I got this!


*Classic 80’s montage of Tim Allen & George Lopez naked, lubed up, & playing Twister*


George Lopez: Well that was fun


Tim Allen: So much fun


*Tim Allen & George Lopez light cigarettes*


Tim: Our wives would be upset if they found out.


George Lopez: That we make love?


Tim: Yeah.


George Lopez: I don’t care who knows Tim, I love you.


Tim Allen: And I love you George, I love you so hard.


George: Give me that cock, Tim.


*Tim Allen gives George Lopez the cock*


George: I like being on bottom.


Tim: Shut your trap you slut I’m trying to cum.


George: oh my so bad


*Tim Allen and George Lopez fuck for hours*


George Lopez: My Asshole is sore.


Tim Allen: Yeah me too, I have to go home to my wife.


[Tim Allen’s Home]


Tim Allen’s Wife: Tim you smell like sex what have you been doing?


Tim Allen: Definitely not having sex with George Lopez


Tim Allen’s Wife: Why do you smell like George Lopez sweat?


Tim Allen: How do you know that smell?


Tim Allen’s Wife: We do Pilates together.


Tim Allen: Alright you’ve caught me, I am love Geroge Lopez.


Tim Allen’s Wife: Go to him…I understand true love, Tim. Go be with him.


[1 hour later at George Lopez’s house]

*cops are all over the place*


Tim Allen: What happened here where is George?


Cop number 1: He’s dead.


*Tim Allen falls to his knees in tears*

Tim Allen: It can’t be true


Cop Number 2: He’s dead.


Tim: If only I could stroke his cock once more.


Cop Number 2: … What..


Tim Allen: (crying) I miss his creamy brown cock, I miss his his smile, I miss my George Lopez.


Cop Number 1: Oh my


Tim Allen: (aside to self) just as we didn’t have to hide our love anymore…He leaves this planet. This is truly tragic. I need to have sex.


*Tim Allen’s pink Motorola Razr rings 3 times & he finally picks up*

Tim Allen: Hello?


Al Borland: Tim, I heard the sad news Want some cock?


Tim Allen: How did you know that’s what I needed? This is like a message from the stars.


Al Borland: More like a message for your asshole.


[Later that night, motel room]


Tim Allen: Al you treat my ass so right


Al Borland: Yeah better than Georg ever did


Tim: *Gasp* Al, please no


Al Borland: Whatever Tim, he’s dead.


Tim Allen: How can you just say it like that.


Al: I don’t give a fuk.


Tim: I think you should leave.





Tim Allen: You’re a monster..



[flashback of Al Borland choking the fuck out of George Lopez]

Al Borland: you’ll never suck a cock again.


George Lopez: (dying) Al… why..


Al Borland: (covered in Lopez Blood) For Tim, that’s why George you dead fuck, I did it for Tim. I LOVE HIM. I NEED HIS SWEET ASS.


Scene returns to Tim Allen & Al Borland]

Al Borland: Why didn’t you love ME Tim?


Tim Allen: Because I love George Lopez, you are Trash, Al.


*Tim Allen revving a chainsaw*

Tim Allen: Goodbye Al


Al Borland: Tim what are you doing?


*Tim Allen cuts Al Borland’s legs off*


*Al Screams*


*Tim Allen, covered in blood, stands over Al Borland’s dismembered body, and weeps*


Tim Allen: What has my life come to



(30 min of Silence)



A beautiful light shines down from the sky.


*George Lopez slowly descends from the heavens*


George Lopez’s Ghost: Hey Tim! How’s it going?


*Silver tears fall down Tim Allen’s Face*

Tim Allen: George Is that you?


George Lopez: Yes Tim, but I’m dead


Tim: You’re still so spicy hot.


George Lopez: I know, Tim. I miss your hard cock, but I must return. I only appeared to tell you I love you.


Trim Allen: No…. don’t leave.


*George Lopez’s Ghost starts to drift away into the clouds*




*George does his classic shoulder shrug*


*Tim Allen starts crying uncontrollably. He whips his hard cock out & starts to furiously masturbate to George Lopez’s fading image*


*As George Lopez fades away forever, Tim Allen falls to his knees, weeping*

Tim Allen: I’ll be there with you soon, George Lopez. I love you


*Tim Allen shakily raises a golden bejeweled glock to his head & pulls the trigger.*


[fade to black]


[lights open up on Tim Allen & Satan]


Tim Allen: Where am I? Is this Heaven? Where is my sweet George Lopez?


Satan: This is Hell, Tim Allen. Welcome


Tim: Fuck.


Satan: Yes, let’s.


The End.

(Tide is High by Blondie plays)

[Credits roll over a scene of Tim Allen gettin dicked down by Satan while George Lopez looks down from heaven, crying & jerking off]

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