George Lopez: I’m so wet
Tim Allen: I’m Also wet
Georg: Want to gently kiss?
Tim: I have the Tools, at this Time (my lips)
[Later That Night]
*Tim Allen answers the door in a bathrobe*
Tim: George what are you doing here?
George Lopez: I can’t stop thinkin of you
*Tim Allen rips off his Nice Jeans*
Tim Allen: Come on in (winks at camera)
George Lopez: Oh my
Tim: Is something wrong?
George: I’m nervous
Tim Allen: Don’t be nervous, George Lopez, I don’t bite…much
George Lopez: Okay but let’s take things slow
Tim: Slow, but also sensual….
*Tim Allen leans in close to george & gently licks his ear lobe*
Tim Allen: I will treat you right, George Lopez.
George Lopez: Mama Mia!
George Lopez: *pulls away* Yo do you ever put a dildo on a power drill?
Tim Allen: I think you already know the answer to that, George…
George Lopez: I have become hard
Tim Allen: Glad to hear that seeing as we are both older gentlemen who might usually have trouble with that
*They both laugh*
George Lopez: (while taking off his pants) … I can still get hard at any time.
Tim Allen: Me too
George: I’m hard. Now.
Tim Allen: I purchased a gallon jug of KY jelly.
George Lopez: I have Twister the game.
Tim: Let’s butter each other up.
George: I got this!
*Classic 80’s montage of Tim Allen & George Lopez naked, lubed up, & playing Twister*
George Lopez: Well that was fun
Tim Allen: So much fun
*Tim Allen & George Lopez light cigarettes*
Tim: Our wives would be upset if they found out.
George Lopez: That we make love?
George Lopez: I don’t care who knows Tim, I love you.
Tim Allen: And I love you George, I love you so hard.
George: Give me that cock, Tim.
*Tim Allen gives George Lopez the cock*
George: I like being on bottom.
Tim: Shut your trap you slut I’m trying to cum.
George: oh my so bad
*Tim Allen and George Lopez fuck for hours*
George Lopez: My Asshole is sore.
Tim Allen: Yeah me too, I have to go home to my wife.
[Tim Allen’s Home]
Tim Allen’s Wife: Tim you smell like sex what have you been doing?
Tim Allen: Definitely not having sex with George Lopez
Tim Allen’s Wife: Why do you smell like George Lopez sweat?
Tim Allen: How do you know that smell?
Tim Allen’s Wife: We do Pilates together.
Tim Allen: Alright you’ve caught me, I am love Geroge Lopez.
Tim Allen’s Wife: Go to him…I understand true love, Tim. Go be with him.
[1 hour later at George Lopez’s house]
*cops are all over the place*
Tim Allen: What happened here where is George?
Cop number 1: He’s dead.
*Tim Allen falls to his knees in tears*
Tim Allen: It can’t be true
Cop Number 2: He’s dead.
Tim: If only I could stroke his cock once more.
Cop Number 2: … What..
Tim Allen: (crying) I miss his creamy brown cock, I miss his his smile, I miss my George Lopez.
Cop Number 1: Oh my
Tim Allen: (aside to self) just as we didn’t have to hide our love anymore…He leaves this planet. This is truly tragic. I need to have sex.
*Tim Allen’s pink Motorola Razr rings 3 times & he finally picks up*
Tim Allen: Hello?
Al Borland: Tim, I heard the sad news Want some cock?
Tim Allen: How did you know that’s what I needed? This is like a message from the stars.
Al Borland: More like a message for your asshole.
[Later that night, motel room]
Tim Allen: Al you treat my ass so right
Al Borland: Yeah better than Georg ever did
Tim: *Gasp* Al, please no
Al Borland: Whatever Tim, he’s dead.
Tim Allen: How can you just say it like that.
Al: I don’t give a fuk.
Tim: I think you should leave.
Al Borland: I WAS ALWAYS IN GEORGE’S SHADOW IN YOUR EYES. THATS WHY I MURDERED HIM, TIM, SO I CAN BE WITH YOU.
Tim Allen: You’re a monster..
[flashback of Al Borland choking the fuck out of George Lopez]
Al Borland: you’ll never suck a cock again.
George Lopez: (dying) Al… why..
Al Borland: (covered in Lopez Blood) For Tim, that’s why George you dead fuck, I did it for Tim. I LOVE HIM. I NEED HIS SWEET ASS.
Scene returns to Tim Allen & Al Borland]
Al Borland: Why didn’t you love ME Tim?
Tim Allen: Because I love George Lopez, you are Trash, Al.
*Tim Allen revving a chainsaw*
Tim Allen: Goodbye Al
Al Borland: Tim what are you doing?
*Tim Allen cuts Al Borland’s legs off*
*Tim Allen, covered in blood, stands over Al Borland’s dismembered body, and weeps*
Tim Allen: What has my life come to
(30 min of Silence)
A beautiful light shines down from the sky.
*George Lopez slowly descends from the heavens*
George Lopez’s Ghost: Hey Tim! How’s it going?
*Silver tears fall down Tim Allen’s Face*
Tim Allen: George Is that you?
George Lopez: Yes Tim, but I’m dead
Tim: You’re still so spicy hot.
George Lopez: I know, Tim. I miss your hard cock, but I must return. I only appeared to tell you I love you.
Trim Allen: No…. don’t leave.
*George Lopez’s Ghost starts to drift away into the clouds*
Tim Allen: GEORGE NO. TAKE ME WITH YOU!
*George does his classic shoulder shrug*
*Tim Allen starts crying uncontrollably. He whips his hard cock out & starts to furiously masturbate to George Lopez’s fading image*
*As George Lopez fades away forever, Tim Allen falls to his knees, weeping*
Tim Allen: I’ll be there with you soon, George Lopez. I love you
*Tim Allen shakily raises a golden bejeweled glock to his head & pulls the trigger.*
[fade to black]
[lights open up on Tim Allen & Satan]
Tim Allen: Where am I? Is this Heaven? Where is my sweet George Lopez?
Satan: This is Hell, Tim Allen. Welcome
Satan: Yes, let’s.
(Tide is High by Blondie plays)
[Credits roll over a scene of Tim Allen gettin dicked down by Satan while George Lopez looks down from heaven, crying & jerking off]