So you’ve come a far way! you sweat bled and cried but now you’ve finally worked yourself down to your goal weight but now comes the separation anxiety of the former you that’s now worked itself down the toilet or all over your neighbours lawn. You’re looking great and all your friends complement your new figure so whats there to stress about? You keep telling yourself this over and over but obviously you clicked the link so you’d like to find out the best way to love the new you and say sayonara to that old image.
The First step is to burn any and all photos of you looking flab, these reminders of your former self will have you longing for a time back when your wooden chairs were oh so comfortable and your ribs were’nt individually identifiable. Now you can hardly sit down on the wooden chairs for more than 15 minutes before it feels like your tail bone is going to retract up your spine and force your central nervous system through your skull, but that’s okay! Because inactivity is just going to get you right back where you were before, a horrible slobby mess with so many extra pounds your friends were starting to worry. Once you’ve removed every tangible memory of your prior existence its time for some heavy lifting
Now comes the difficult task of making new memories in your new skin. Take Selfies, Nudes, Go for walks and comment to yourself about how great it is to not be wheezing and coughing on your morning sprint to the bus, that always comes sooner than you’d expect. Go to a museum, preferably a mirror museum if you have one in your area (Most places have one) take yourself to a roller coaster and note how much more terrifying it is now that the seat hardly holds you and your skinny buns, tossing you around like a leafy green salad in a salad spinner. The most important thing is to have fun!
Once you’ve done everything there is to do in your town as your new you, and taken lots of pictures of yourself doing it (Cause if you don’t take pictures does it really count?) You’ll have trouble remembering what life was like before you decided to loose all that weight in the first place. And you’ll probably be broke from all those admission tickets, so enjoy yourself. Lay around in bed, Eat your favourite foods and read a good book, you’ve got a healthy self image now so have fun with it! You’ll be so self confident you won’t even need the approval of your friends or family, get messy, paint with your fingers and let me know all about your progress on twitter at @constantlyjosh