Your Dreams Interpreted by @aka_fatman


(Editor’s Note: This week’s column will not be written by Dr. Edith Fawkner who has been taken to hospital after a vicious attack by an escaped Howler monkey whilst visiting the zoo with her family. Although a full recovery is expected after doctors have reattached her nose, Dr. Fawkner will be unable to submit her well-thought out pieces for quite some time. However, and after severe objections by an editor with 27 years’ experience as a journalist, the publisher’s stepson – Dwight – has been deemed fit to fill in in Dr. Fawkner’s absence)

I’m Having Dreams About Flying

This is a fairly common dream I think. I’m guessing flying represents freedom. Like, if your fiancé of four years – Sharon – suddenly decides to leave you. That joy you feel, that elation, translates into dreams about flying and weightlessness.

I’m Having Dreams Where My Teeth Fall Out

A month or so passes. You’re in a boutique Korean-Chinese fusion restaurant that you used to frequent with your fiancé. Anyway, in walks Sharon with Floyd (a painter who used to live in the apartment across the hall). You confront her and she’s all, ‘It’s not what it looks like,’ and ‘Even if it WERE, we’re separated and I can have dinner with whoever I want to.’ That’s when you start having dreams where your teeth fall out. It’s something to do with stress.

I Dream About My Breaking Furniture

If furniture represents stability then breaking furniture represents the shattering of stability, all the things you hold dear. The next morning, after the Sharon/Floyd encounter, I bought a cat. I bought a cat and I drowned it.

I Have Dreams Where I’m A Lasagna Doing Crossword Puzzles

Oh…kay. This is not really in my realm of expertise. Alright…maybe being a lasagna means that you have many layers to you. And that doing crosswords mean you’ve got to figure something out.

I Have Dreams Where A Man Who Has Sand Pouring Out Of His Eyes Is Chasing Me. He Keeps Reciting William Burroughs In A Strange, Latvian Dialect


He Chases Me Down The Sewers And When I Get To The End Of The Tunnel, I’m At My Old High School That Burned Down Six Years Ago

…this is way, way too weird….

My Entire Classroom Is There. But They All Look Squashed. They Are Grotesque Little Midgets Who Point Their Fingers Accusingly At Me. They Ask Me If I Ate The Goldfish

Enough!! What the Hell is wrong with you?

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