Your Mom Comments on the Current State of Things by @sageboggs


The world is ending, I swear. I swear. I swear it is.


Gaza-Benghazi, immigration hoopla, ISIS hackers. Can’t watch my soups for thirty seconds without Wolf Blitzer poppin’ up, sayin’ we’re invading Afghanistan.


I was chatting with Bernice at tennis last night and she says her son – Jake, such a nice boy. Such a nice boy. She says he’s considering enlisting in the Air Force! I told her not right now. Now’s not the time, Bernice. He’ll join, get shipped off to Pakistan or wherever and I’ll be the shoulder you have to cry on. I can’t handle that. She can’t. Not right now.


We ended up losing in straight sets to Nev and Regina. Nev and Regina! Regina’s boy is in textiles. She always says that: “Ronny’s in textiles.” I don’t even know what that means. Knowing Regina, he lives at home and mows their lawn.


Oh, I swear planes can’t land anymore. How do you lose a plane? How? I was watching Hell’s Kitchen last week and whataya know – there’s Obama telling me we’re dropping bombs in Iraq. (Hopefully the bomb plane gets lost on the way. Every other plane’s gotten lost! Why not that one! LOL!)


I saw Zero’s Dark O’Clock with Jennifer – oh, what’s her name. The redhead. Chapin? Chaplain. Jennifer Chaplain? No, that’s not it. Oh, I’ll think of it in a second. I know I will. Oh geez, what is it. Anyway, I saw that sad movie with her in it and I couldn’t stand it. I just couldn’t. Bin Laden was in Pakistan or Uziestan or whatever this whole time while our troops are over there marching in Iraq. Gimme a break. I ended up seeing Fran in the lobby after the movie. Apparently she divorced Bill and married the Sanders guy who owns Pizza Palace over on I-40. I had no idea. I haven’t seen Fran since Squaredance Saturdays. Those were always a hoot.


My hair lady Karen says her aunt has one of those fake faces for trees. The ones that make it look like your tree has a face. I love that. I’ve been meaning to get one for the tree out front. Or maybe the tree by the garden? Maybe I’ll get two. They can be friends! LOL!


But I swear – there are plenty of problems here in the United States. Chastain, that’s it. Jennifer Chastain. She was in The Helpers with that black lady who won the Oscar. Octavius Jackson? Oh shoot, what’s her name?


You know who I don’t understand getting an Oscar? Precious. The Precious girl. Gabrielle Sabbidy. Something. She seems nice, but come on. Precious? I couldn’t get through ten minutes without turning it off. Too sad.


Lupita, my nails lady – she says she thinks the war is just so we can get oil. That makes me so mad. Oil? Oil that we’ll what? – spill in the ocean? Wait, was it Jennifer? Jennifer Chastain doesn’t sound right. Oh gosh, now I’m not sure.


But this oil thing. Don’t get me started on gas prices. Don’t. Cars shouldn’t run on oil. It’s 2014. Is it that hard to find an alternative? Margie said she read an article about corn being used for fuel – her son posted it on her Face book. Energy efficient and plenty of it. Everywhere I go, corn corn corn. Take all the fatty corn syrup out of the foods and use it for fuel. Two birds, one stone. No more ozone, no more obesity.


I should run for President. I really should.


The last thing we need is a war. Jessica! Jessica, not Jennifer. It’s Jessica Chastain. I like her. She was on The View this week. Oh, what else has she been in?

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