Baloney Meter by @Tommytoughstuff

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Baloney Meter

I am dedicating this article to calling out a few things people try and convince people to be true. It’s time to pull out the BALONEY METER!

“I run for fun.” Do you? DO YOU? BALONEY! From my limited exposure to running I can safely say no one in their right mind enjoys the following:

  • Bloody feet
  • Wheezing/gasping for air/ desperately wrestling an oxygen tank away from a stranger
  • Being bored to death
  • Crying
  • Looking like a duck walking in fast forward
  • Pooing or peeing into spandex

Run when chased. Life moves fast enough.

“I like techno.” Do you? DO YOU? BALONEY! Techno music is specifically made for people on mind altering drugs thrashing around in a warehouse sweating and slipping on broken candy necklaces. So if you aren’t doing all those things at once it just sounds like someone beating a robot to death. No one ever had to be in the middle of the woods with glow sticks to enjoy the Beatles. Get real!

“The book is better the movie.” Is it? IS IT? BALONEY! This is just plain silly. No one would choose reading over watching a movies. I mean some of these books can be over a 100 pages long and I don’t know anyone that has over a year to kill! Sit down, hit play and enjoy! If you want to feel like an intellectual read the credits.

“I prefer cats to dogs.” Do you? DO YOU? BALONEY! This is simple. Try to throw a Frisbee to a cat. NEXT!

“I floss regularly. “ Do you? DO YOU? BALONEY! After hearing people say this I have started carrying dental floss in my pocket. Before they can get those words over their inflamed gums I hand them a little bit of teeth rope and tell them to prove it. This goes one of two ways, either someone concedes to me immediately or I’m putting smelling salt under their nose after they pass out from the massive geyser of blood coming from their mouths. Spare yourself the pain.

Follow me @tommytoughstuff on twitter and keep the bologna where it belongs on sandwiches that no one want to eat.

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