“Nothing like ending a great day in nature like roasting some marshmallows under the stars, hey gang?”
My friends didn’t say anything, but I knew deep down they felt the same.
“Well, this camper had too much Crystal Light. Nature calls. Oh wow, ha ha, get it? Nature’s calling in nature.” I must remember to write that one down, I thought to myself.
My friend Matthew interrupted my thought by asking, “Dude, why do you pull your pants down to your ankles to take a piss? No one wants to see your disgusting ass!”
“I don’t know, that’s just the way I was raised, I suppose.”
“Can you at least stand more than 3 feet from the fire?”
“Ha ha! Oh, Matthew, you are the living end!”
Then Jenny joined in on the joking, “Seriously! You’re splashing my tent, you fuckin’ spaz!”
“Ha ha! Jennifer, Jennifer, you are precious! But my last name is Spatz. With a ‘t’.
“Where the fuck is all the beer!” asked Matthew.
“You can thank me for that,” I said proudly. “While you guys had me stay behind to guard the campsite, I read the park rules which state there is a ban on all alcohol, so I emptied the cans. Now, I know what you’re thinking, ‘but what did you do with all the empties?’. You can rest assured that I disposed of them in an environmentally responsible fashion. Well, goodnight guys.”
The next morning I woke up and the campsite was empty except for my tent. Guess my friends went into town to get me more calamine lotion. Those guys are the cat’s pajamas. Maybe I’ll hide in those bushes and surprise them when they come back. This is going to be my best birthday yet!