Disrupting Organization Seeking Software Ninja Guru to Fix The World by @tarashoe

Do you play as hard as you work? Do you like working with people who are better than you? Is your idea of “play” just work, but with people who are better than you?

If you thrive in an environment so highly collaborative that it transcends eye contact, then come work where any and all perfect ideas are welcomed!

ZozerZoom is seeking human people to transform the hair business. Located in South AT&T, CA, all of us are really passionate about solving the hair industry’s most complex problems by creating beautiful, sexy, sexual software. We’re disrupting the hair world with our groundbreaking sogxtware!

What you’ll do…..

As a Softwarex Evangelist Ninja, you’ll inspire and change the world with hair solutions. Your responsibilities will include taking collaborative feedback, debugging your responses, tracking your feedback, defining your role, describing your role, defending your role, and getting Matteo to stop erasing all my important rectangles from the dry-erase board, he has his own goddamned dry erase board. You are required to have fun in the public outdoor office on a quarterly basis, in accordance with social fun standards listed in ZozerZoom’s new Mandatory Employee Ethical Regulations and Sexual Harassment Training Mobile Game App ($2.99)! This position reports to the Sexfware Priest.

Desired Skills and Experience;

– 5-10+ years Java development experience

– Strong experience with Joomla and Drupal

– Railroad Camel

– SQL

– JPA

– AJAX

– MySEQUINS

– DOOO

– OOPS

– OOPIE

– Experience with Doom

– Experience with doom

– Ninja Guru!

– Working knowledge of Nicole’s phone

– Bachelors degree in Nihilist Digital Metrics Archetypes of the Early Sixties, or related

– OOPIE DOOPIES

Why is this the greatest company on earth?

We’re making so much huge impact and changing the world. Other companies that simply provide regular services or fun stuff are not changing the world, so why do they even exist? The world needs to change—everything is wrong with it and that needs to change, today. Right now we’re changing it by disrupting hair. Last week it was productivity software but the hair thing wound up being better.

Perks include:

– Full medical

– Full vision

– Full set of new teeth (vested over 4-year probational period)

– Your own laptop so that you can innovate at any time of day, or night, from any place, in the entire office

– Your own wheelie chair

– Unlimited vacation days for travel to any other regional office

– Free catered lunches (did someone say truffle butter-infused-Japanese-Wagyu-beef Wednesdays!)

– Matteo’s whiteboard

– Free wheelie chair backpack

– Free Numeric Tattoo

– Free coffee!

Apply with your name, resume, favorite open-source framework, favorite movie quote, and favorite way to reinvent everything about our company

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