"Ew. Gross. Stop. Why are you kissing like that?" -Jesus watching 19 Kids and Counting
— Adam Murray (@Atom_Murray) November 6, 2014
Taylor Swift: America's Only Feminist…Or Feminism's Greatest Enemy? We're Just Gonna Start Typing And See What Happens
— Dan Hopper (@DanHopp) November 6, 2014
Tonight’s special is All-You-Must-Eat Shrimp. It’s all the shrimp you must eat to break the restaurant’s curse. You're our only hope. Begin.
— Chris Worthington (@SomeChrisTweets) November 10, 2014
It's called "catcalling" because just like calling an actual cat it is highly effective, keep doing it.
— Mark Agee (@MarkAgee) November 7, 2014
BEAUTY TIP: extend the life of your gel manicure by cutting off your fingers
— Siobhan Thompson (@vornietom) November 10, 2014
You can be annoyed at the Duggars then you can remember they don't know how their clits work and just laugh
— Laura Crawford (@CrawfordComic) November 6, 2014
Our motto at The Thoughts and Prayers Foundation is : We promise we will do nothing tangible for you.
— eddie pepitone (@eddiepepitone) November 9, 2014
McDonald's should have a third window where you can trade in all the wrong items they gave you at the second window.
— SCOTT WARNER (@ScottWarner18) November 8, 2014
I'm gonna launch my own podcast where I give people bad directions, it'll be called "You made it. Weird."
— Riley🏳️🌈Silverman (@ryesilverman) November 10, 2014
Bae: Come to my window
Me: Not until your obsession w Melissa Etheridge is over
Bae: It is. Now crawl inside. Wait by the light of the moon
— Kim Monte (@KimmyMonte) November 10, 2014