A MAN walks into a hardware store. He closes the door behind him and approaches the OWNER standing behind the counter.
OWNER: Well howdy there. What can I do for ya?
MAN: Yeah hi I’m looking to build some shelves for…
OWNER: (interrupting) Shelves huh?
MAN: Um, yeah. I’m looking for some…
OWNER: (interrupting) Aw I don’t know nothing bout no shelves.
A hooded man wearing a robe enters the store and begins walking to the back. He leaves the door open behind him.
OWNER: Hey now, close that door. You born in a barn?
The hooded man turns to the owner and reveals his face. He is JESUS.
OWNER: Oh. It’s you. Sorry, Jesus.
JESUS: I forgive you.
Jesus continues walking to the back of the store.
MAN: Why is that guy dressed like Jesus?
OWNER: Thas Jesus. Hey you should ask him bout them shelves. He’s a damn fine carpenter.
MAN: You’re telling me that’s actually Jesus?
OWNER: Yep he turned my water cooler in into a wine cooler last week. I had to get a liquor license. He’s even got them stigmato holes or whatever in his hands.
Jesus returns to the front of the store with some supplies in a basket. The man stares at him for a moment.
MAN: You’re Jesus?
JESUS: That’s me.
MAN: Like, Jesus Jesus? Son of God Jesus?
OWNER: Show him your hand hole thingies. Hey, do you think if we high-fived the hole would make a whistle sound?
JESUS: I don’t know, we could try.
They do and it does.
MAN: What are you doing here?
MAN: No, I mean, here on Earth.
JESUS: Carpentry. I’m getting back to my roots.
OWNER: This fella here wants to build some shelves.
JESUS: I would be happy to help you with that.
MAN: Never mind the shelves. Who else knows you’re back? Why is no one making a big deal about this?
JESUS: It’s really not that big a deal…
MAN: (interrupting) It’s a huge deal! This is the South! You’re on like 90% of the billboards here!
JESUS: I’ve been meaning to ask them to take those down. I’m not really a fan of being hung up on display to make a point.
OWNER: Sorry, Jesus.
JESUS: I forgive you.
MAN: So, you’re just here to do some carpentry huh?
JESUS: Yes. Shall we get started on those shelves?
MAN: Yeah, I guess. Why not?
The DEVIL walks into the store.
MAN: Oh come on. You here to be a carpenter too?
DEVIL: Naw, dude. Law school. (to owner) You guys sell those judge hammer thingies?