The wedding reception was like any other. Dancing, drinks, relatives catching up with one another, friends laughing together, everyone looking and feeling great.
The Cha Cha Slide comes on. Everyone jumps up and dances along.
“One hump this time!” Everyone humps.
“Two humps this time!” Everyone humps twice.
It doesn’t stop there.
“Seventeen humps this time!” Reluctantly and with confusion, most people follow along.
“Slap your neighbor!” People stop dancing, and a few people playfully slap each other.
“STAB SOMEONE” Mr. Cha Cha screams, as the song darkens. Children start crying, and everyone looks tense. In the corner, Uncle Rick stabs Cousin Marvin with a fork.
“What the fuck is going on?” The groom yells to the DJ. “I don’t know!!!” He replies. “I’ll unplug my computer.”
“IT WON’T WORK, HAHAHAHAHAHA” Mr. Cha Cha replies. “EVERYONE LEAVE YOUR WALLETS ON THE TABLES AND STAB EACH OTHER. ALL OF YOU.”
“Okay everyone, reception is ending early. Thanks everyone for coming!” The bride yells as the groom and bridal party shuffles everyone out of the hall.
Only the doors are locked.
“ONE STAB THIS TIME” Cha Cha bellows. “NOW.”
The guests all stare at one another, in cold fear. Their adrenalin pumps as they realize there’s no other way out. Eventually, they submit, with most of them using forks and spoons for some unknown reason.
The Cha Cha Battle rages on.
The voice booms over the speakers once more, as bodies lay across the floor and tables, packed with forks and spoons mostly.
“NOW, CHARLIE BROWN”
Unbelievably, Charlie Brown walks out behind a curtain on the right side of the room (why does the side of the room matter? It doesn’t. This is a useless fact) and starts collecting the wallets, snacking as he goes. “That’s 11 weddings this month, Mr. Cha Cha sir! You’re on a roll!”
Cha Cha cackles madly, his evil baritone filling the hall. “Everyone will pay for turning my tyrannical song into a stupid wedding staple. EVERYONE.”
“How do you even kill someone with a spoon?” He whispers to himself after Charlie Brown leaves.