The Thought Process of Making Ramen Noodles by @isaacjonenen

naw

I am really hungry

but I’m on the last episode Bojack Horesman so I might as well finish it…

that was weirdly unsatisfying and yet I can’t wait for the next season.

honestly Will Arnett wasn’t a good choice for voicing Bojack. Someone like Jon Hamm would have been nicer.

I probably just have a man crush on Jon Hamm.

either way he would have been better.

wait, I’m hungry. I should make—

oh my god House M.D. is on Netflix? I was planning on watching that again. The first season is horrible, but…

that just means I’ll have to watch it really fast.

did they change the theme song for Netflix?

did they change all the music, or did it always sound like a Hallmark movie?

this is significantly worse than I remember the first time around, but I’m still a sucker for Gregory House’s one-liners.

okay, that was definitely the actual theme song in episode five in the opening credits, but a fake one for the ending credits, what the heck is going on?!

oh man that hospital food looks gross

no it doesn’t it looks amazing why does it look amazing

oh my god it’s because I haven’t eaten all day

what can i eat that won’t require work but will make it look like I put a slight amount of effort into it

peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

why don’t I have any bread

I guess i’ll go to the store to buy some bread

why is traffic so bad

there are a lot of sirens

do i hear screaming

everyone is getting out of their cars and running

where is everyone going what a bunch off–

WHAT THE FUCK SOMEONE IS TRYING TO BREAK MY CAR WINDOW WITH HIS HEAD WHY DOES HE LOOK SO MESSED UP

OH MY GOD THERE ARE MORE

I THINK THEY’RE FUCKING ZOMBIES

I THINK THIS IS A ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE

I’M IN THE MIDDLE OF A GODDAMN ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE

SHIT FUCK THERE ARE SO MANY HELP OH MY GOD

THEY’RE GOING TO BREAK THROUGH THE WINDOWS AND TRY TO EAT ME AND ALL I HAVE IN DEFENSE IS AN ICE SCRAPER

OH SWEET JESUS WHY WASN’T I A REDNECK

WHY DIDN’T I GIVE IN TO MY MIDWESTERN AMERICAN ROOTS AND DRIVE A PICKUP TRUCK WITH A SHOTGUN IN THE BACK SEAT AND A POCKET KNIFE AS BIG AS MY CELLPHONE ON MY BELT

HOW COULD I HAVE EVER THOUGHT THAT WAY OF LIFE WAS THE ANSWER

I MIGHT HAVE EVEN HAD A DEAD DEER ON THE TRUCK BED THAT THEY WOULD HAVE BEEN DISTRACTED WITH AND GONE AFTER INSTEAD OF ME

I’D AT LEAST HAVE HAD A CONFEDERATE FLAG TO CRAWL UNDER AND HAVE A LONG CRY UNTIL IT WAS ALL OVER

okay it’s been like five minutes and these shits aren’t getting any closer to being inside my car.

car windows are made of really strong glass I suppose

actually they’re just bashing their own heads in and dying.

is this how a zombie outbreak is really going to happen? they’re all too stupid and weak to actually break into things?

this is really, really gross.

i am going to have to step all over all of that nasty shit when I get out of my car.

oh my god how long am i going to have to sit here

i didn’t bring my laptop with me

this is actually worse i wish they had broke my windows and ate me

wait i have netflix on my phone

goddamn Hugh Laurie is a good looking old man

how did I ever think Olivia Wilde was hot

I think I might be gay

oh man it’s the episode with the super fine model chick no I’m not gay

I forgot the twist is that she’s actually a man so am I gay again? why am I being so ignorant and black-and-white about this I’m actually offending myself

here I am, discovering my newfound potential homosexuality in my car surrounded by the (strangely rapidly escalated) aftermath of a zombie apocalypse and all I can think about his that I am SO GODDAMN HUNGRY

also my nose is runny

it’s runny because I was crying, did I mention that? it happened when I thought zombies were going to eat me

there’s probably a napkin in the glovebox

wait what is that

a package of ramen noodles

why is that there

I could cook it when i get home

well i guess i could have done that at home in the first place

I mean I have an entire box of the stuff at home

how am i going to get home

there’s a lot of dead nasty things everywhere

and i’m pretty sure i’m blocked in by other cars

well I guess I should at least try—

NOPE NEVER MIND THEY’RE ALL STILL ALIVE OMG

WERE THEY NAPPING OR SOMETHING

DO ZOMBIES NAP

they’re not getting up

they’re just on the ground making noises like Tina from Bob’s Burgers

this is the laziest zombie infestation ever

this is the worst

what is that

horns

sounds like trumpets or something

maybe it’s a rescue party?!

why is it so loud

it sounds like it’s coming from… everywhere

the sky is lighting up

OH MY GOD IT’S JESUS

HE’S SMILING AT EVERYTHING

ANGELS EVERYWHERE

IT’S THE RAPTURE

THE FUCKING RAPTURE IS HAPPENING

I’M SAVED

AM I SAVED?

WAIT

WHAT

THE ANGELS ARE COMING DOWN AND PICKING UP THE ZOMBIES

WHERE ARE YOU TAKING THEM

WAIT

HOLD UP

WHAT ABOUT ME

IS THIS A JOKE

IS THIS A FUCKING JOKE

A ZOMBIE RAPTURE

THEY JUST TRIED TO FUCKING EAT ME HOW ARE THEY CHRISTIAN

and they’re all gone

great.

i didn’t make the cut for the rapture but the flesh eating monsters did

at least i can get out of my car–

the ground is shaking

oh no

no

what is happening

FIRE IS SHOOTING OUT OF EVERYWHERE OH MY GOD HELL IS COMING TO EARTH

IS THIS THE END OF EVERYTHING?

OH MY GOD SATAN JUST CRAWLED OUT OF ONE OF THE FIRE HOLES

HE’S LEADING IS EVIL ARMY TO MARCH THE PLANET

I’M SO FUCKED

OH MY GOD THEY’RE COMING THIS WAY

WHAT ARE THEY DOING

THEY’RE CARRYING BLACK BAGS

NO DON’T REACH INTO THE BLACK BAGS

WHAT’S IN THE BLACK BAGS

IT’S PAPER

ARE THEY GOING TO READ ME MY SINS

MAKE ME SIGN A CONTRACT

IS IT THE BILL FOR MY EXISTENCE

THEY’RE WRITING ON THEM

NO

HELP

ONE JUST PUT ONE OF THE PAPERS UNDER MY WINDSHIELD WIPER?

it’s a parking ticket

they’re putting parking tickets on all of the cars

what the hell

this shit is whack

i’m not paying that

and i’m eating the package of ramen raw

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