You can call me Vegas, because when it comes to going outside or staying in the house always wins.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) November 29, 2014
LAST-MINUTE SALAD RECIPE: 1) Become the kind of persson who owns carrots
— Mary Kobayashi (@MaryKoCo) November 30, 2014
When ur parents come to u for thanksgiving it's way harder to get drunk & sleep with people from high school. But hopefully not impossible
— Laura Valdivia (@lauravaldivia) November 26, 2014
There's no wrong way to eat a Reese's? What about off a 5 year old's butt?
— Fahim Anwar (@fahimanwar) December 1, 2014
"First phone who dis?"
-Alexander Graham Bell
— NOT A METH LAB (@jenlaw_11) December 1, 2014
still pissed at Monica and Chandler for not raising their kids in the city, tbh
— shauna (@goldengateblond) December 3, 2014
My imaginary friend told me I'm his imaginary friend, so now I have that to deal with.
— Chris Worthington (@SomeChrisTweets) December 3, 2014
Turn-ons include: attractive people expertly manipulating my genitalia
— Lynn Bixenspan (@lynnbixenspan) December 3, 2014