Jeremy by @hammerfist3

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Jeremy walked through the wooded glen alone on a beautiful warm winter day. As he walked he thought silently to himself  “I wonder if my dick makes a noise but it’s really high pitched so only, like dogs can hear it.” Jeremy sat & took a break from his morning trek. He sat by a crystal clear stream glistening in the sunlight. “Maybe my dick doesn’t make any noise at all, but if it does I don’t think I’ll ever know about it.” Little lumps of snow fell from the branches above with just a faint & infrequent pitter patter on the forest floor below. The sun was almost at its peak & warming the growing earth. Jeremy tossed a pebble into the stream. “Maybe if I had a really powerful microphone I could put it close to my dick hole & figure out if maybe my dick makes a squeak noise or something” from across the stream Jeremy saw the most majestic deer he had ever seen. Beautifully traipsing around poking her little sniffling nose in the snow looking for something to munch on perhaps. Jeremy watched in silence as he witnessed the true glory of nature. “I wonder what noise a deer dick makes. Maybe it’s different than a human dick noise.” Jeremy stood up & the startled deer trotted off in quite a hurry. Jeremy stepped over the stream carefully & continued his walk through the woods. He observed creatures going about their business & evergreen trees standing in their assigned positions. Everything was gorgeous & right. Everything was peaceful & perfect.

Jeremy stepped out of the woods & entered his home, just a few yards from the trees. “Honey I’m home,” he called to his wife. “I got some things I want to run by you, I’ve been thinking a lot.” The house was warm & the smell of cookies wafted through the air so thickly you could almost see it. Jeremy’s wife met him in the foyer. “I’ve been thinking too Jeremy…I don’t love you anymore…I think we should get a divorce…I’m sorry Jeremy”. she said to him as he was pulling off his boots. “Oh my god.” Said Jeremy “Oh my god I was just going to ask you if you thought maybe dicks make a noise, but it’s like really high pitched so we can’t hear it, Ya know?” I’ve packed your things Jeremy, please leave.” said his wife. “Okay.” said Jeremy. As a few silent tears fell down Jeremy’s face he gathered the bags his wife had packed for him & left his home by the wooded glen. Just as he was about to close the door his wife stopped it with her slippered foot. “Jeremy…Wait.” Said Jeremy’s wife.

Jeremy looked into her hazel eyes hopefully.

“Yeah?” Replied Jeremy

“I think you might be right. I think maybe dicks probably do make a noise but it’s like really high pitched. You should get a really powerful microphone & put it close to your dick hole to test it out”

“Thank you.” Said Jeremy.

The door closed & Jeremy walked back into the calm forest to think some more.

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