Well folks, it’s that time of year where we sit around with family who makes us upset and uncomfortable, eating bland food and ignoring your racist Uncle.
Allow me to make your holiday season a little easier with my own personal recipe for the best egg nog you’ll ever have. Without further ado:
1) Buy a batch of eggs. NAME ALL OF THEM. Name AT LEAST two of them Larry (very important)
2) Add arm hair from a dead man. He can be recently deceased or long gone. Either or.
3) Chase a goose down and make it spit at least 3 tablespoons worth of saliva into the glass
4) Add an entire pair of blue jeans – Levi or Bullhead
5) Scream every song lyric of every song from Pet Sounds into the glass for added flavor.
6) If you have any squeaky floorboards in your home, you’ll have to fix those at this time before going further.
7) Fixed them? Okay good. Now throw the glass against the wall, spilling it everywhere
8) Clean it all up and rinse it back into the glass
9) Add milk from a cow born and raised in Oklahoma. THIS WON’T WORK OTHERWISE
10) Serve and enjoy!