The Adventurer: Back In The Habit by @primawesome

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Two unconscious men sit on chairs in a small cement room, hands tied behind their backs. One man is CHIT LEBARON, a tall, wiry man with a large waxed mustache. The other man is MOBUTU, a muscular, intense looking man covered in tribal tattoos. Not the douchey kind either. The kind you get from being in an actual tribe.

 

The only door in the room opens and in walks a MASKED MAN. He carries a large bucket of water, which he then splashes on the unconscious men.

 

Chit and Mobutu jolt awake.

 

CHIT: Holy shit that’s cold! Oh man! Ahhhh!

 

MASKED MAN: Hello, gentlemen. Rise and shine.

 

CHIT: What the hell is going on?

 

MASKED MAN: Do you recognize this room? We’ve been here together before.

 

CHIT: Uhhh…

 

Chit looks at Mobutu. Mobutu shrugs.

 

CHIT: Nope. Can’t say that I do. Who are you again?

 

MASKED MAN: I am revenge. I am justice. I am…

 

CHIT: (interrupting) ooookay look buddy…

 

MASKED MAN: I AM NOT YOUR BUDDY!

 

CHIT: What is your deal?!

 

MASKED MAN: My deal is that after 5 long years you two are finally going to pay for what you did to me.

 

CHIT: Are you finally going to tell us what it is you think we did to you or will that also take 5 years?

 

MASKED MAN: Maybe this will refresh your memory!

 

The Masked Man pulls of his mask, revealing his face.

 

Chit stares at him for a moment, then looks at Mobutu. Mobutu shrugs.

 

CHIT: I’m sorry, still not sure.

 

UNMASKED MAN: Come on! Really?!

 

CHIT: You just have one of those faces. I could’ve seen it a thousand times or not even once.

 

UNMASKED MAN: You seriously don’t remember having me tied up in this room?

 

CHIT: I’ve tied a lot of people up in rooms. We both have.

 

Mobutu nods.

 

UNMASKED MAN: You kidnapped me. You held me in this room for weeks. Then, right before you released me into the surrounding jungle, you said you’d give me 12 hours before you…

 

CHIT: Ooooooohhhh! We hunted you!

 

UNMASKED MAN: Yes! You remember me now?!

 

CHIT: Yes! Well, no. Kind of. 5 years ago I was in my manhunting phase. We hunted dozens of men in this jungle.

 

UNMASKED MAN: Manhunting…phase?!

 

CHIT: Yeah! Oh hell, Mobutu and I have hunted the deadliest animals all over the world. I figured why not step it up and hunt the deadliest game of all: man.

 

The Unmasked Man drops to his knees, face in his hands.

 

UNMASKED MAN: So, I’m…I’m the one who got away?

 

CHIT: Lots got away actually. Turns out people are damn hard to hunt. Animals run, but people…people hide. That’s a big jungle out there. Needle in a haystack if you have no tracks to follow.

 

The Unmasked Man begins to cry.

 

CHIT: Hey come on now. We’re all here now. I’ll keep hunting you if you want.

 

UNMASKED MAN: No! I can’t believe you’d be so blasé about hunting another human being!

 

CHIT: Dude, I’ve been an adventurer for 30 years. You gotta keep it fresh and exciting to keep the magic alive. Hell, the other day I duct taped two squirrel’s tails together and used them to fight a wolf. Fucking squirrelchucks versus a wolf. I’m a friggin pioneer in the hunting game.

 

UNMASKED MAN: You’re a monster.

 

CHIT: Hey now. You have to at least understand where I’m coming from. Shit, you managed to catch us and tie us up in here. That had to have felt good.

 

UNMASKED MAN: Yeah…I suppose.

 

CHIT: See. We’re not so different you and I. Why not join up with us? I’m sorry we got off to a bad start but let me make it up to you. It would be nice to have another person around. Mobutu isn’t much of a conversationalist.

 

UNMASKED MAN: I noticed…

 

The Unmasked Man looks over to see that Mobutu in no longer tied to his chair, or anywhere to be seen.

 

UNMASKED MAN: What the…

 

At that moment Mobutu swiftly grabs the Unmasked Man from behind and snaps his neck, dropping him dead onto the floor.

 

CHIT: What the hell took you so long? I thought he almost had us.

 

Mobutu stands there looking at Chit for a moment.

 

CHIT: Well, come on then. Untie me.

 

MOBUTU: No.

 

CHIT: What do you mean no? Untie me this instant.

 

MOBUTU: Asshole.

 

Mobutu walks out of the room, closing the door behind him.

 

CHIT: Mobutu! Get back here right now and untie me!

 

The lights in the room go out.

 

CHIT: Mobutu! MOBUTU!!!

 

The lights come back on and Mobutu enters.

 

MOBUTU: How fucked up would that have been if I left you here?

 

CHIT: You’re a dick.

 

Mobutu unties Chit.

 

CHIT: I can’t believe you did that.

 

MOBUTU: Shut up and kiss me.

 

Chit and Mobutu start making out.

 

 

THE END

 

 

 

 

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