The Adventurer Goes to Antarctica by @Ian_H5


The adventures of renowned jet-setter Chit Lebaron.

Tomorrow, we embark on an epic journey to a land of pristine, untouched majesty. The serene, quiet beauty of nature is unparalleled in magnificent Antarctica. This will truly be a journey of wonder.

Day 1: Man, this place is cold.

Day 3: Predictably, Mobutu is being a total baby about this whole thing. He got all mad that I’m eating all our food supply. I’m pretty sure we can just find polar bear meat or something.

Day 4: Actually, polar bear meat is pretty terrible. Would not recommend.

Day 7: This place sucks.

Day 8: Digits have fallen off due to frostbite. Mobutu and I are playing poker with our detached fingers and toes. I guess this isn’t the first time I’ve raised Mobutu a middle finger.

Day 11: On the brink of starvation. Met an Eskimo or whatever he’s called. Took us back to his igloo. Teaching us how to hunt penguins. They make an odd sort of squealing sound when they die, sort of like the world’s worst air horn.

Day 12: Due to an unfortunate *ahem* hunting accident, the Eskimo man has sadly perished. Might as well move into his conveniently unoccupied warm igloo with six months’ food supply. Someone has to do it.

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