30 Day Skin Bleach Kit. This kit promises if used as directed your non-caucasian child will be 67% less likely to be shot by a cop if they were to incur a minor citation or give cause for questioning.
A hot off the presses illustrated storybook called Stranger Danger; Celebrities Aren’t Exceptions
A cell phone exclusively for Boost Mobile which is specifically designed to stop children from under-age sexting simply by banning the text “u up?”
The latest GoPro camera to capture special events like family snowman building, skateboarding or soccer games. However, instead, you give it to a cop and force them to wear it 24/7 while on duty.
For those moms looking for a more organic options, Burt’s Bees is offering a limited number of real wombs to finish growing your already born child in. Because, even though you love him, you look at your 5 year old’s grubby little face and think “Fuck. He COULDN’T have been cooked completely.”