Will they choose the 8 bedroom party lodge for 350k or the 14 bedroom starter home for 210k? Find out next on FUCK YOU ANDRES YOU LIVE IN LA
— Andrés du Bouchet (@dubouchet) December 8, 2014
Welcome to this Chili's, we're all ghosts here. Do you want some chips. They're also ghosts. Can you just go home
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) December 8, 2014
If I died first I'd want my husband to remarry. Real quickly, so people are like "That's sort of fucked up?" and it ruins his new marriage.
— shelby fero (@shelbyfero) December 8, 2014
Major League Baseball players will also wear "I Can't Breath" t-shirts next season but that's because they are fat slobs.
— David Stassen (@davidstassen) December 9, 2014
Tickets are on sale now for U2's new tour and guess what check your wallet you've already got 2 center row seats
— Matt Wilkie (@WritingWilkie) December 9, 2014
Never really a bridesmaid either.
— Liana Maeby (@lianamaeby) December 9, 2014
What if DiCaprio drove all those women straight to a continuing ed class to prepare them for life after modeling.
— Mark Agee (@MarkAgee) December 8, 2014
I'm obsessed with the notion of going to a Subway and trying to force them to put the toppings into a diaper I brought instead of on bread
— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) December 11, 2014
I just feel honored that you're choosing to read this tweet in order to escape whatever part of your life you can't stomach right now
— Matt Ingebretson (@mattingebretson) December 9, 2014