Foxcatcher – A Review by @hardlyrelevant

 

Hey guys.  I’ve had a cold recently, and let me tell you, it’s a doozy.  I decided to nip it in the bud, so I took NyQuil just like Drew Breeze in those commercials.  I wanted to be throwin’ touchdowns, you guys. (Metaphor).  It didn’t work, because right after I took it a Modern Family marathon came on so I stayed up all night watching it.  Probably not the best idea, but I can’t get enough of the Fam!

I went to see Foxcatcher over the weekend, to try and get out of the house.  From the title, it was pretty clear what I could expect; Steve Carrell and Channing Tatum getting into zany adventures while trying to catch multiple foxes.  Talk about good old fashioned family fun, you guys!  I’ve always wanted a pet fox, so this really appealed to me.  Also, foxen (sp?) are very sly.  Who was more sly?  Did Carrell catch a fox?  How many?  What kind of quirky names did he and Channing give them?  I had to find out.

It turns out the title of the movie is very misleading.  As soon as the picture started, it was pretty clear that there weren’t any foxes.  Channing Tatum (Neighbors, High School Musical) is actually a wrestler.  I can’t be sure, because I sneezed during some of the key plot points, but I think the story is about how Dwayne (The Rock) Johnson got his start in the wresting industry.  I was immediately intrigued, because I’ve always wanted to know what he was cookin’.

Steve Carrell (Anchormen, imdb.com) plays Channing’s wrestling coach.  He wore a fake nose for the part, which I think was an ode to his classic character of Gru from Despicable Me, who had one heckuva shnoz!  Very cool.  Carrell owns a very big farm in the film.

That’s pretty much all I got from the movie, as I was escorted out of the theater by security about halfway through.  I kept screaming, “Give him the chair!” and “What are you cooking, Rock!” whenever there was a wrestling scene.  I thought this was more than appropriate, but “management” disagreed.  I don’t think they’ve ever even watched a WWE match, which is pretty irresponsible of them if they’re going to be showing a film dedicated to one of the industry’s biggest stars.

Things I Liked About Foxcatcher:

  • Wrestling.  I’m a big fan of wrestling.  My mom wouldn’t let me watch it when I was growing up, but those days are long gone mom!  I especially like when people call it “wrasslin,” which is very fun.
  • Channing Tatum! What a fun guy.  Love me some Tatum!
  • Mark Rufflio. Mark played Channing’s brother in this, which I thought was cool.  I don’t think Channing has an older brother in real life, at least not one as smooth as Rufflio, and it was nice that he pretended to be there for the troubled star.
  • Horses.  Since Carrell owned a farm, there were horses trotting to and fro at multiple times during the film.  I like horses almost as much as foxes, and if I had one I would name him Haulin’ Oates.

Things I Didn’t Like About Foxcatcher:

  • “The Rock” backstory. There was very little fanfare regarding The Rock, which I thought was in poor taste.  They didn’t even tell us what he was cooking!  The movie is about his life, after all.
  • No Bob Seger. This would have been a perfect movie for Seger’s tribute to Dwayne Johnson, “Like The Rock.”  It’s a great song, and the fact that it wasn’t in the movie was a big oversight.
  • No Brad Pitt. I’ve been really into Brad Pitt lately, and unless he came in after I was removed from the theater, he wasn’t in this movie at all.  Big waste of talent, if you ask me.
  • No foxes. When the title of your movie is Foxcatcher, there should be at least one fox.  As far as I could tell, there wasn’t even a single fox!

Well, there you have it.  I give Foxcatcher three out of four wrestling leotards.

See you at the movies, I’ll be the one sniffling very loudly (still have the cold).

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