Grumblings and Other Things by @cloudypianos

Evita_dando_un_discurso

 

Can we just skip the formalities and go straight to the part where you get weird and start ignoring my texts? If you want to build a relationship with someone you have to open your eyes to all of the red flags, especially when you don’t want to see them. Like “I don’t give out my number I only use kik” or long silences interspersed with flirtatious innuendos.

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If I could tell my future grandchildren anything it would be “people are fucking stupid.” Cussing is not bad for children anymore than occasional candy or wine. Tell them life is rainbows and unicorns and Santa is real and alcohol is off limits and fuck is bad and sex is bad and a few house chores are good because they can win an Xbox but chores without allowance will get them nowhere and honestly you’re going to have a real mess on your hands. Tell them people will break their hearts and lie and also be surprisingly beautiful and sweet because you never know until you do. Take this from someone who is working her way up to motherhood with plants, a cat, a dog and a steady stream of cuss words.

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If I were a bear I’d eat all the bad people and then I’d move to Antarctica because fuck this noise. I’ve always wanted to go to Antarctica and if not there Alaska because there’s something magical about seeing nothing resembling humanity for miles and the possibility that you’ll be swallowed up in the white void.

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I want to date a nerd who doesn’t get off on talking about what a nerd he is. Why do you feel compelled to tag “nerd joke” is it because you feel like studying science makes you more worthy of being passionate for the universe and stars and space? That memorizing comic books makes you “different”? We’re all nerds here, lose the pretense, the false humility doesn’t become anybody.

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Have you ever noticed how every handsome man has a female friend watching him like a hawk? “We’re just friends” she insists smiling nervously every time he flirts with a new girl, remaining ever loyal in the background like a shark ready to devour its prey. Please for the love of all romance do yourself a favor and let it go. He will never be yours or it would have already happened.

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What’s after postmodernism? That’s what I need to know. Do androids dream of electric sheep meets Eckhart Tolle meets reality tv.

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I love discovering someone. You know when you don’t even know how you first discovered them but there they are becoming magnificent in front of your eyes and you suddenly feel like the world is vibrant again? At that moment I don’t want anyone else to know that person, because here you go: I always want someone so special and unique that no one else could want them because they don’t get how damn special they are. But then I do want everyone else to know, at the same time. I want to tell everyone “guess what lovely thing I found and don’t you think it’s lovely, you must understand how damn lovely it is.” Some people will look for a second. Don’t look for too long. I think, though, that perhaps there is a point where that someone sees you back and you feel that gaze and you feel special too. You feel so damn special and unique and if they turn away for a moment then it is gone. You are just where you were before and what a sadness that makes you feel. Like nothing happened at all, and you were here alone all along.

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Sometimes you have someone that makes you feel fully alive but you know that you’re more excited by their company than they are by yours. And then sometimes it is the other way around. Someone is wonderful. They treat you with perfect kindness and thoughtfulness and they’re brilliantly smart and sweet and yet you know that they for some crazy incomprehensible reason take more pleasure in your company than you do in theirs and it is almost too much to spend time with them because you don’t want expectations to build. It hurts both ways because that imbalance seems to always surface at the moment a connection has been forged, and so just as you are closer the blunder of this awareness begins to dispel something beautiful.

 

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