Remember when I laid that egg. I didn’t even know young boys could lay eggs, but it happened. I woke up one day & it was like magic. A big round egg in my bed. Eggs are pretty interesting because they don’t have eyes but you can still feel them watching you closely. “Please, I have to go to work” I said to my egg. The egg sat there & watched me get dressed, I was feeling pretty nervous. “Maybe I didn’t even lay this egg” I thought to myself. “Maybe somebody snuck this egg in my bed last night” I mused. I guess I didn’t care too much where it came from I just wanted to know what was inside.
I put a blanket over my egg & went into the kitchen to make breakfast. I very quietly cooked an omelet, worried I might be seen by my egg & judged for eating it’s kind.
Before I left for work I said “goodbye egg” & gave it a pat on the head. I’m not really sure what part of the egg is the head but I made my best guess. The egg seemed sad that I was leaving but I assured it I would be home in just a matter of hours. “Don’t worry egg, I’ll be back.” I said as I left the door for work.
All day I thought about this big egg. Mystery egg. “Am I gonna be a dad?” I wondered. “Who is the mom?” I was very confused about it all, I could hardly do my work properly. “I guess it’s 2015, we are a progressive nation & a single guy who lays an egg should not be discriminated against” I finally decided. I sure hoped whatever came out of my egg was not anything bad.
When I got home from work my egg was still there in my bed, looking better than ever.
“Lookin’ good” I said to the egg. I hope it didn’t think I was flirting with it.
Just as I was about to give my big egg a big egg hug, it started to move.
The egg was tossing & turning & little cracks started to form.
“Oh fuck I’m gonna be a dad” I said to nobody except for my egg.
As I sat & watched my egg crack open tears filled my eyes.
It was so beautiful.
The egg hatched & the most amazing thing came out.
My big egg was filled with 60 smaller eggs.
I made omelets every day after that.