The Pressure by @pjtlynch


Ah, shit. Of course this shit was going to happen. You fucking dumbass, this is what happens when you don’t have a plan. You had half the morning to figure this shit out, but you couldn’t. So like an idiot you said, “Oh, I’ll just get in the car, and I’ll know it when I see it.” And now you’re at fucking Wendy’s, with no fucking idea what you want to order, and there’s not a single goddamn person in the line.

Don’t even think about trying to retreat, that cashier lady already sees you, she’s ready for you. What are you going to do, hang back and look at the menu, ask for some time, let her think you’re some kind of fucking idiot who goes into a Wendy’s and doesn’t already know what he wants? Well guess what, that’s what you are now. That’s what you’ve made yourself with this bullshit.

Alright, calm down, we’ll figure this out. Gotta walk through this line maze thingy anyway, figure it out on the way. Shit, just order a Baconator, you know that shit is delicious. But fuck, you just had a burger yesterday, so a burger doesn’t seem like it’s just what you want right now. Isn’t that why you decided against half of the other places you could have gone to? Oh, but yet here you are at Wendy’s for some reason, where half the shit they’ve got is burgers, who knows what the hell you were thinking with that.

Fuck, she’s looking at me. She’s gonna say it, goddamn it she’s gonna-

“Welcome to Wendy’s, what would you like?”

Well, here it is. You’re fucked now. Alright, if not a burger then it’s the Spicy Chicken. That’s good. But it’s so small, you know you’re not going to be full after that. What’s the point of eating out if you’re going to leave feeling half-full? Well fuck, maybe you deserve it for all of this nonsense. Yeah, just walk out of here feeling unsatisfied, and not full, like the idiot that you clearly are.

Fuck, she’s giving me that look. That “Why haven’t you ordered yet?” look. They get measured on how quickly they take an order, don’t they? Like 60 seconds or something like that? Didn’t you see that on a sign in the back of one of these places once? You’re probably fucking up her whole average for the day. You’re going to get this woman fired with your bullshit.

Dammit, why couldn’t you have just figured this out before leaving for lunch? Why does it always have to be some goddamn clusterfuck? “Oh, I kinda want pizza, but I don’t want to eat at the pizza place, it’s too small. McDonald’s seems too blah, Burger King’s just fucking depressing, and the Taco Bell is too far. Jimmy John’s sounds good, but I brought a sandwich from home, if I’m going to ditch it because I now feel like junk food, what’s the point of paying for another sandwich?” And blah, blah, blah, that’s what you sound like, you fucking idiot.

Wait, what about something new? They say the chili here is good, and they’ve got chicken tenders, those are good. Or maybe-

“Sir, do you need a min-“

“Ah, no. I’ll have a Baconator meal, large size, with Diet Coke.”

Well, there you fucking go. You got the Baconator, even though you didn’t feel like a burger. That’s what you’re stuck with now, you’re not changing it. Go get your fucking napkins, and your pathetic little ketchup cups, and wait for your stupid meal that’s going to taste like half the joy of a meal ordered with some goddamn purpose. Go.

At least I’ll get the fries. That’s all I really wanted anyway, I guess.

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