Valentine’s Day isn’t just for gloating about finally having a boyfriend. It’s also the perfect time to remind your lover that you’re not just a sweetie, you’re also a hottie, a hottie with a lot of options, options that are looking better and better every day now that you think of it. Don’t get lost in the world of oversized teddy bears when you can put on a teddy that lays bare your feelings that maybe this whole relationship isn’t quite working out. Here are the top nine Valentine’s Day gifts to distract you and your man from your failing romance.
1. Fuzzy Handcuffs: Add a little mischief to your bedroom play by letting him lock you up with these cute cuffs. Nothing’s naughtier than symbolically letting your man know that you’re completely trapped by this relationship.
2. Blindfold- This fun toy gives you both the gift of surprise. Slipping a blindfold over your lover’s eyes will build his suspense as he wonders what you’re going to do next and your suspense while you scroll through Tinder a bit, you know, just to see.
3. Sexy Dice: With words like “nibble,” “suck” and “spank” on one die and “bottom,” “breasts” and “cheek” on the other, these dice encourage you to take risks like renewing your online dating account. Personalize your dice with bonus stickers and add your own fun words like “move” and “out.”
4. Kama Sutra: This ancient text will illustrate to you all the ways you haven’t been having sex because you can barely stand to be naked around each other anymore. With a whole chapter on biting, you just might learn how to bite the bullet and tell him you’ve been faking it.
5. Strap-On: If you’re feeling extra daring in the bedroom, try a little role reversal and let him know what it’s like to have his feelings about everything completely dismissed by calling him “too emotional to even talk to right now.”
6. Riding Crop: Take spanking to the next level with this dominating device. Put on your highest heels and take charge giving your lover a little whack any time he doesn’t do as you demand like kiss your toes or admit that he never liked any of your friends.
7. Nipple Clamps: Make it hurt oh-so-good with these little “pain is pleasure” devices. He’ll beg you to stop passive-aggressively alluding to your dirty desires to get out of this relationship and just say it already.
8. Cock Ring: This sexy little secret will help him (and just maybe the dwindling sparks of your rapidly dying relationship) last longer.
9. Finger-Vibrator: This tiny toy packs an oh-so-big punch that will keep you shaking long after you’ve realized that it’s just so much easier to be alone.