A Letter to My Future Wife by @jpaulmassengale


I’m already excited about the life we will live together. Waking up every day by your side and staring into you’re beautiful eyes. I know there will be hardships, struggles that come with a lifetime of commitment, but with you by my side I know we will get through it. I do not know what you will look like, the things that will interest you, and you don’t know anything about me yet. Well here is something you should know: I gambled away our firstborn last night in a low-stakes dice game with Homeless Joe, from around the way.

That probably sounds worse than it is. All that will happen is when our first child (a son perhaps?) is born he will go live with Mr. Joseph. Joey will be a good father, raise our child as his own, teaching him the proper way to eat live crawdads and how to never trust the moon. Will you ever see your child again? Of course you will, silly! The ‘Ole Cup of Joe said we can spend the summer solstice with our son or daughter every year, because he has to hide from the Lobster People that day.

I am already excited thinking about how this will turn into one of our claaassic arguments. “I didn’t want to lose my skittle money” I will try to explain to you, and maybe you will give me one of your legendary “are you kidding me?” faces. Claassssic <3


The Man You Will One Day Spend the Rest of Your Life With.


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