AMERICA: Hey, what's up?
[55 Years Later]
HARPER LEE: Not much, you?
— Jamie Woodham (@jwoodham) February 3, 2015
While I appreciate that you're bringing sexy back, if we're not also discussing who took sexy away, we're only enabling future sexy problems
— maura quint (@behindyourback) February 5, 2015
"Oh fuck that dude" – A light bulb seeing a chandelier
— Michael (@Home_Halfway) February 4, 2015
Growing up Mitt Romney's parents used to read him scary stories at night about a terrible monster named Robin Hood.
— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) February 4, 2015
I love food; I’m so quirky. I just need water; what a weirdo, right? I can’t get enough air; what is wrong with me?
— Chris Worthington (@SomeChrisTweets) February 1, 2015
i don't feel the need to hide my tampons away and tiptoe to the work bathroom. i will confidently chomp down on em as i crawl there snarling
— tara shoe (@tarashoe) January 30, 2015
Like. Boys, you can't even be as excited about a girl taking her bra off as she is about taking her bra off.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) January 30, 2015
Katy Perry "warming up" probably consists of eating Lisa Frank stickers
— Emily L (@seriouslyemily) February 1, 2015
Some girl in Hollywood just asked me where the Marilyn Monroe star is and I didn't know so I threw a bunch of pills at her and ran away
— Ed (@smedlee) January 28, 2015
Good conversation starters:
-so do you like doors
-Do you think horses have favorite actors
-do you think sailors wish their arms were waves
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) February 3, 2015