"The love of your life is waiting for you at this address."
"Wow. Parking is NOT great over there."
— Allie Goertz (@AllieGoertz) March 23, 2015
Beauty Tip: Your brows should be strong enough to successfully wrestle a bear-shark, but not so bold they hit on a bride at her wedding.
— maura quint (@behindyourback) March 23, 2015
I'm not like other guys, I respect women. I send them plants in the mail, I make them soup in the morning, I point at the moon & mouth 'wow'
— thomas violence (@thomas_violence) March 27, 2015
Sext: WERE YOU RUSHING OR WERE YOU DRAGGING?
— Zach Heltzel (@zachheltzel) March 27, 2015
Thanks for inviting me to your house but I'm having a horrible time, you need to leave
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) March 27, 2015
I haven't been to a doctor in 3 years but I do have 10,000 plastic grocery store bags shoved under my sink. Because I plan for the future.
— Bill Dixon (@BillDixonish) March 27, 2015
On my way back to LA after being gone for 3 weeks lemme know if anyone wants to make plans to meet for coffee then cancel & be soooo sorry
— AmberTozer (@AmberTozer) March 26, 2015
My favorite LA thing to do is face the Santa Ana winds and dare God to kill me.
— Jeff Loveness (@JeffLoveness) March 25, 2015
"How do you get stand-up spots?" "Well, there are a lot of different paths to the stage…" pic.twitter.com/OJF8TffcOt
— Dan Cronin (@croninwhocares) March 27, 2015