1. Stare at a big dumb lake. It’s free.
2. Share your real feelings about each other’s mothers.
3. Take all of the throw pillows in your house and make a giant pile and then piss directly on them.
4. Become financially independent.
5. Put up your dukes.
6. Make a list of complaints about the Who Wants to Be a Millionaire franchise.
7. Look through old stock photographs and pretend you know the people.
8. Stalk a family of squirrels.
9. Put “love” in air quotes for the whole day and see who gets more irate.
10. Get kidnapped.
11. Think globally, act locally.
12. Apologize enough.
13. See how far you can go with PDA on public transportation before they stop the vehicle.
14. Buy a goat and raise it.
15. Make a grilled cheese with French Toast this is actually a maybe good idea I’m having I shouldn’t have put it in an article.
16. Restore factory settings.
17. Call into a radio show with both of you on speakerphone.
18. Learn the Cyrillic alphabet. Tell no one.
19. Take a class at the local learning annex and then have one of you fall for the instructor and ruin the entire relationship.
20. Make a hashtag together and then use it when either of you guys dies.
21. Send nudes of each other to your exes and ask them to be brutally honest about how the new person stacks up.
22. Get in a food fight in a restaurant. Pay for damages, obviously.
23. Start a fire in a Walmart.
24. Befriend the richest woman in China. (The paper heiress lady, I think).
25. Buy one, get one free.
26. Eat some Activia and get regular.
27. Throw a glass of whiskey in the fireplace like a caricature of an alcoholic.
28. Make a dance routine to every Pussycat Dolls song in existence.
29. Become world-weary.
30. Get offended.
31. Take out a restraining order on Regis Philbin.