Oh that's just about a 20 minute cry from here.
That's what I said.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) April 6, 2015
Top 5 Worst Excuses For Cheating
5) Sex doesn't count as cheating
4) Got super horny
3) Robots forced me
2) Thought she was you
— donni saphire (@donni) April 4, 2015
My mom got so mad at me when I got my first tattoo, and I was like ooh girl wait until u see how much meth I am also doing. 2003 was fun.
— MOISTURIZED (@ericdadourian) April 4, 2015
I can't believe I had the guts to get a mastectomy but afraid to go into my bathroom cause I saw a cockroach.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) April 5, 2015
Remember to put 'loves to laugh!' on your dating profile, otherwise people will think you mainly enjoy crying
— Dee (@figgled) April 6, 2015
What culture are you problematically appropriating for your #Coachella look this year?
— braden graeber (@hipstermermaid) April 7, 2015
Charlie bit my finger and all I got was my childhood commercialized to the point of fracture
— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) April 7, 2015
I literally run screaming away from black men in public now in case the police open fire on them.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) April 9, 2015
Thought I was watching a commercial for anti-depressants, but it was just a man holding his wife’s purse outside of a dressing room.
— Erica (@SCbchbum) April 9, 2015