The First Time I Smoked Weed and Watched Zero Dark Thirty by @ogtblake



It all started on a Saturday morning during January of 2013. I had just finished an intramural basketball game at my high school. I (probably) balled out, and was ready to relax at home when I was approached by my friend, Germy. Germy was well-known for his marijuana smoking ways, and he offered to let me join him on one of his smoking escapades in exchange for $10. Although I had never participated in something so dastardly before, I decided to go for it.

I picked him up from his house a couple of hours later and we went to the place where we would blaze up. The place was some kid’s house who I didn’t really know, and when we got there he said we couldn’t actually smoke inside, but we were welcome to use his bush in the front yard. I didn’t know what to make of that… at all… but Germy and I would make our way to the front yard where there was a large, poorly kept bush, with an opening on the side.

We entered the bush. There were a few stumps and logs in there that we sat on, but it was certainly far from comforting, especially since I could see as cars were driving by us no more than 10 feet away. Germy was certainly less nervous about this setup than I was as he quickly got to work preparing our 420 dank shit. Before long I was attempting to hit my first bowl, struggling with holding my finger over the hole, lighting the bud, and then remembering to remove my finger at the right time.

I definitely didn’t master the art of using a bowl in that experience, but I did get high enough that I nearly forgot we were smoking a literal hop, skip, and a jump from a decently busy road. There was one instance where a biker road by use at an angle in which he could’ve easily seen what we were doing if he had just looked in the bush. I froze, holding the bowl in one hand and the lighter in the other, with a very 😮 look on my face. Luckily, he didn’t look and nothing happened.

Once we finished off our ganja, we decided we needed something to do, as opposed to hanging out in the bush for the rest of the night. Naturally, we decided that it would be a great idea to see the newly released “Zero Dark Thirty”.

I’m fuzzy on the details about getting to the theater, the act of purchasing the ticket, and I barely remember anything from the movie. I do, however, vivdly remember the struggle that was buying popcorn from the concessions stand.

Germy and I got in line behind at least one other couple. Between the two of us, we had $8, and all we wanted was some popcorn to munch on. The prices were as follows: $5.50, $7.25, $7.75, $8.50. Being the smart guy that I am, I knew we could afford the second highest amount of popcorn, but I could not tell what size it was. Conventionally, sizes go small, medium, large. But since there were 4 sizes, I didn’t know of the biggest one we could afford was large or medium.

After minutes of critical thinking, a frustrated movie theater employee finally got my attention to move up and order. I don’t know how long we stood there next in line trying to figure things out, but I do know that when I realized we were up, I looked right at Germy and loudly said “They know…” (Pro tip: don’t do that.)

I decided that the biggest price must’ve been an extra large, so I asked for just a regular large. I was wrong. The large was $8.50. We were now 50 cents short and I in an all out panic. Were we going to go to jail? They did know, after all. Maybe we could just run away or something.

But then, in a miraculous moment of stoned brilliance, I remembered we each got a quarter in change when we bought out tickets. I excitedly told Germy about my revelation, and just like that we had exactly $8.50 for our popcorn. The rest of that interaction went about as poorly as you would expect, but we didn’t go to jail and we did get our popcorn, so I will chalk it up as a success.

I don’t remember anything from the movie, except for when they killed Bin Laden at the end, and I’m told that was the best part of the whole movie, so if you take any lesson away from this story, it should be this: if you’re going to watch “Zero Dark Thirty”, definitely get high first.

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