Having grown up being a huge wrestling fan, I saved and saved and saved all the money I could . Finally I had enough, I booked a wrestling school, the best I could afford, with renowned wrestler “Schmidt the Destroyer” who wrestled in the 1950’s. So I got on a plane and headed to the land of dreams, to follow the American Dream … But then Dusty Rhodes got a restraining order, so I continued on my way to train with Schmidt in Waterloo, Iowa . I asked Schmidt to show me a moonsalt he said we’d never been to the moon, I should listen to his conspiracy podcast and he can’t eat salt at his age, also he hated commies.
It wasn’t all about Schmidt and it also wasn’t because my dick looked terrible in spandex wrestling tights. There were other reasons.
- I spent three weeks trying on cowboy hats with good old J. R Jim Ross, till I realized due to a curse from an ex girlfriend hats no longer suited me.
- I met Hulk Hogan, he came at me saying “ LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING BROTHER!…WHATCHA GONNA DO WHEN HULKAMANIA RUNS WILD ON…” before he could finish his sentence I fired a double barrel shotgun at him from sheer fear, (I thought that’s what I will do when Hulkamania runs wild). Sadly I also set off a barrel of fire works labeled “The Mega Powers” sitting next to Randy Macho Man Savage. Safe to say the Mega Powers exploded the colours where beautiful and Hulk survived because Hulkamania is immortal . Hulkamania is still running wild it can’t be stopped, it headed to the coast and hit the ocean, now currently rampaging across Europe.
- Sting taught me how to paint my face, Sting told me it was all about intimidation, creating a persona, like Sting has with the Crow character but all I could keep painting was a tiger, he still will not return my calls…call me stinger. But Im now amazing at face painting and my rates are reasonable.
- Bubba Ray Dudley told me to “Get The Tables!” I booked a whole restaurant I got every table, the fanciest, biggest place in town, nobody showed up. I even had the Rock as chef, all that food gone to waste, we will never know what the Rock was cooking.
- I once met a guy after the show he said “ wanna see Dude Love?” I went with him, got to know him pretty well…. it’s safe to say I still have never met Mick Foley.