37 Things You Didn’t Know About Me by @Cpin42


1. I was politely kicked out of the Cub Scouts after refusing to say the prayer.

2. I have the handwriting of a stroke victim.

3. Small talk makes me feel as if my oxygen supply has been cut off.

4. I ate dinner at Stephen Bogart’s house. Humphrey’s son.

5. While pitching in a Little League game, my life was forever altered as I found myself lobbing the ball to Donna Sloman, an angular brunette who reportedly had a crush on me.

6. I’ve been to every continent except South America.

7. I ran away from home when I was 14.

8. I was captain of my high school baseball team.

9. I can barely stand up on ice skates.    

10. After consuming an overdose of hash cake in Amsterdam, I blacked out and woke up on the toilet in my hotel bathroom. In complete darkness. With my pants on.  

11. Two of my favorite people tried to kill themselves.

12. I proposed to my wife under the Eiffel Tower. 

13. As a child, I played a mean version of Yankee Doodle Dandy on my armpit.

14. I’ve never been to a strip club.

15. A girl I met in Australia sent me an audio taped love letter which concluded with Abba singing, “Take A Chance On Me.”

16. I’m fascinated by religion, but I don’t believe in God.

17. One of my best friends is a priest.

18. I’ve been alcohol-free since I was 13.

19. I work for the Massachusetts Department of Mental Health.

20. As a young boy, I spilled raw egg on my head while performing an ill-fated magic trick.

21. When I was 12, I used to hitchhike into Hartford with my friend Matt.

22. I’ve only had sex with 5 women.

23. My favorite actress is Jean Arthur.           

24. I was on a plane once that I thought was going to crash. I started laughing.

25. I’ve never owned a cell phone.

26. There are no words I dread more than “I had the weirdest dream last night…”

27. On a ferry ride to Tangier, I met two young men who were running from the mafia. We ate dinner together the night we arrived and made plans to hang out the following day. When I woke up, they were gone (but had paid for my hotel room a week in advance). 

28. My class rank in high school was 186 out of 228.

29. The stupidest thing I’ve ever done was throw a rock at a police car.

30. I haven’t been in a fist fight since 7th grade.

31. When I was 10, I yanked an infected tooth out with a wrench I found in my mother’s toolbox.

32. I have difficulty spelling words out loud.

33. As a freshman in high school, I was harassed by a cartoonishly muscular senior who is now serving a life sentence for raping and killing a deaf girl.

34. When I was 9, our puppy was killed by a potato chip truck.

35. I tend to overtip homely waitresses.

36. I’ve been taking sleeping pills since my senior year in college.

37. In 7th grade, Amy Gentile kicked me in the balls after I offered my enthusiastic but unsolicited opinion about her butt.

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