New Rom Com by Cara W


I know this doesn’t remotely sound like a bad romantic comedy where a ruggedly handsome man and a movie-based “nerd” (and when I say “movie based nerd” I mean how in movies they portray nerds as just really hot people with glasses) and these two just bump into each other on a new york city street and bond over organic tea and the latest ironic alternative band with a name like ‘whispering willows” or “toddlers in playpens” or something along that line. No no no. That is not what this chapter will be about. No im talking about the new style of romantic comedies. They are titled “boy with pants down to his ankles falls in love with girl with barely any clothes on.” It’s basically the sequel to romeo and juliet guys, im telling you.

Being in high school in this exciting decade of iphones, lack of morals, and songs that only have 5 words in the whole thing (and they are “she got a big booty”) I can assure you I have absorbed a great deal of what it is like to be popular “in love” in today’s adolescent world*

*note here that I am not, by any means, implying that I am popular or was ever in a relationship. I am a just a mere observer. I sit. I watch. I wait. Wait for what? I really don’t know. Maybe I just wait for the apocalypse. I swear, one day the youth of america WILL take over the world with their horrible vocabulary. That’s the strait’ up truth bro. 

So I don’t have too many observations of popular kids because whenever I try to get close to this rare species they kind of just slowly walk, and then break out in an olympic worthy sprint to get away from me. I do, occasionally, go to school dances, however. I have been to dances all over.

I went to a catholic middle school, so those dances were pretty tame. Mostly because about 20 people went, and when you slow dance you have to keep “enough room for jesus christ” in between you and your partner. I’ve always felt like duly noting that jesus christ is technically a ghost, soooooo. 

But, I never did for the sake of me getting holy water poured on me. So I was safe at those dances without twerking and possible drug usage for a few years. then I got into high school. 

Coming from a small catholic school, high school dances were like another planet to me. I always had fun at middle school dances because: i said, there were only 20 people there.

2. when i was in 8th grade i rolled up in there like i owned the damn place.

3. less judgement. more articles of clothing.

Now that i am “experiencing” high school dances, they are not as fun.

1. there are about 7000 people at high school dances.

2. no one even really knows i go to that school so i am unable to ‘walk in there like i own the damn place.

3. more judgement. less articles of clothing. 

I am always really excited to go to school dances. I think after reading so many girly-romance novels that something romantic will happen. Like I will just be walking through the crowded dance floor, being the extremely clumsy and flustered girl I am, I would just “run into” this random attractive guy. We would awkwardly say “sorry” or something like that and then fall in love and blah blah blah. I do not know why I always think this will be the outcome of a school dance because:

1. this is not a bad abc family movie.

2. most attractive guys have really, pretty intimidating, girlfriends who are not afraid to punch a small, timid, girl who cannot form sentences correctly in social situations, like me.

3. I usually just sit with my 3 friends in the corner. 

Also, on the topic of finding a boyfriend at a school dance, I have found a that there is a certain criteria for most adolescent males when it comes to the act of finding a girlfriend. In my recent outings into the jungle of teenagers i have noticed that most of the girls with boys following their every move all dress the same.

So listen up ladies!

If you dress anything like me, put away your shoes that used to belonged to your mom back in the 90s, and your ironic t-shirt that reads “this is my prom dress” on it. All while burning your cool clothes, start yelling “goodbye individuality!!!!” Now the only thing you will be wearing are leggings and shirts that show your whole stomach even in the dead of winter. I know this could sound a little stereotypical , but this is all from what I have seen. I am pretty sure there are many guys out there who do not follow this criteria. Alas all I have seen so far is boy with pants down to his ankles falls in love with girl with barely any clothes.

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