Taken 4: Maybe he's just not a good dad?
— Ali Segel (@OnlineAlison) May 13, 2015
Food, shelter, prestige
— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) May 13, 2015
Him: Glen's going through the attic
Me: Glen the collector or Glen who only speaks in Nickelback lyrics?
Glen: look at this photograph…
— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) April 15, 2015
"I must make this movie" — Nic Cage reading a menu
— the garbage shit boy (@davedittell) May 11, 2015
[on a first date]
me: if I really start to like you I'll probably go out of my way to make this not work
him: what are you going to order?
— claudia turner (@cloudypianos) May 13, 2015
I bring my parents' gifts so as to present them with more ways to reject me.
— Amanda (@mobydong) May 13, 2015
Oh nothing, just typing some words into a box, looking for a human connection. Might be doing it ironically, but not even sure.
— Evan J'daté Kessler (@EvanJKessler) May 11, 2015
JAMES BOND: Morning
[it flies out the window]
JB: Did I?
[they look outside]
[it lands on a confused dog]
— Joe West (@joejwest) May 11, 2015