A Scientist’s Relevant Opinion of Technology by @bethany_white8

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Technology is the future. We’ve all heard it before. At the rate society is going, another ten years without being eradicated by disease could see the normalization of romantic relations with robots. That’s right, your friend Eric’s roommate who you accidentally caught dry humping the toaster while you were waiting for Eric to get off the phone with his girlfriend is a visionary. Good for you, Eric’s roommate. You sure proved us wrong.

In this technology dominated society, people are losing basic communication skills. We’ve all heard it before from a reliable source probably. Teenagers will tell you that people aren’t losing communication skills, they’re just adopting different communication skills that are less effective but more efficient. Hey, they’re just kids- they don’t know what they’re saying. I tried to show them the error of their ways but they said they were doing it on purpose because people are uncomfortable to look at when you talk to them.

We should abolish technology and revert back to the golden age when people communicated via a man that ran back and forth between villages to deliver messages by word of mouth. Sometimes they ran so hard that they actually died before they could relay the message. Those were the good old days; people were so in touch with each other back then. You know how else they communicated with each other? Orgies. When was the last time you invited your pals over for an orgy? Never? You kids are so antisocial these days. You call yourselves friends yet you’ve never even group-fucked your other friend who always hangs out with you but it’s implied that he’s not really in the inner circle.

In conclusion, progress has really set the human race back. Technology is a scam, as is Western medicine. You can’t trust anyone who hasn’t voluntarily shown you his penis. If you haven’t seen his penis he might not have one, which makes him a woman and women are worse than technology because of science (Disclaimer: I’m not a scientist. But I could be, so…).

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