5 Reasons Why Your Favorite Actor Isn’t Allowed in a Zoo by @hardlyrelevant


  1. Nicolas Cage is well known for his tendency to “lose his shit.” In fact, an argument could be made that he has built his living by going off the handle.  One weekend in July 2013, everyone’s favorite National Treasure visited the San Diego Zoo by himself.  Upon arriving at the monkey cages, Nic was enraged when he didn’t find a single banana in the enclosure.  The star reportedly scared off a number of zoo patrons by screaming, “NOT EVEN A FUCKING CHIQUITA, ARE YOU KIDDING ME,” at the bewildered guide, as well as making crude gestures towards fellow zoo-goers.  When security arrived, he was apparently attempting to get the monkeys to fling feces at employees.  “THROW YOUR SHIT, THAT’S IT,” he repeated over and over, “THROW YOUR SHIT.”  When reached for comment, Nic’s assistant apologized profusely and disclosed that he had accidentally given his boss regular coffee instead of decaf that morning.



  1. While training for his 2011 hit Warrior, Tom Hardy gained almost 20 pounds of muscle. He was told by his personal trainer that he needed to look “tougher than a tiger” if he wanted to pull off the role, something that he took a bit too seriously.  In October 2010 witnesses said that Hardy sprinted into the tiger den at the Los Angeles Zoo shouting, “I AM THE WARRIOR.”  Intimidated by Hardy’s quickness and physical stature (“He was everywhere,” said one terrified employee), the zoo staff opted to wait for the police to deal with the actor.  “It’s a miracle he wasn’t killed,” said one of the first officers on the scene.  No less than seven policemen were needed to overcome Hardy, who after attributing the incident to “mental exhaustion,” received a lifetime ban from the southern California zoo.


  1. Brad Pitt has starred in a number of modern classics, from Fight Club to The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Apparently, the star also enjoys the taste of Coca Cola.  While visiting the Detroit Zoo in the summer of 2011 with his family, the actor attempted to feed a polar bear a bottle of Coke, and was less than cordial when rebuffed by the exhibit guide.  When the employee in question told Brad that polar bears didn’t drink soda, Brad asked the man if he was “challenged,” and told him to “watch a Coke commercial, you effing moron.”  Brad went on to question the man’s expertise, and was found by zoo security attempting to force the guide into the exhibit to “wrestle one of the polar bears, if [he was] such an expert.”


  1. One of Brad Pitt’s good buddies, Matt Damon, has also had his fair share of problems at zoos. According to a number of sources, Damon has routinely been caught at zoos around the country trying to convince employees that he owns the establishment.  When challenged by the employees to provide proof of his ownership, Matt would produce a number of Blu-Ray copies of his 2011 film, We Bought A Zoo, and insist that they sit and watch the hit in its entirety.  “Matt is a method actor,” said his rep when reached for comment, “and he takes his movies very seriously.  For whatever reason, that one in particular stuck with him.  Not even his wife can convince him that he doesn’t own these zoos.  He’s not trying to pull a fast one on the employees, he just genuinely believes it to be true.”  Damon is reportedly receiving counseling, and has not visited a zoo in over 2 years.


  1. Matt isn’t the only one to take his acting home with him. Sean Bean, star of the HBO hit Game of Thrones, was arrested in May of 2010 for attempted burglary and animal cruelty.  Alerted by the screams of zoo patrons, security arrived to find Bean wielding a sword and demanding to be taken to “the wolf exhibit.”  Upon being told that there was no wolf exhibit, the actor let out an anguished yell and leapt into a nearby lion’s enclosure, crying, “DEATH TO THE LANNISTERS,” and, “WINTER IS COMING.”  Luckily, the enclosure he was in was being cleaned that day, and was devoid of lions.  Still, it took the combined efforts of 5 security guards and police officers to subdue the enraged actor, and he was taken to the police station.  Bean pled guilty to Public Misconduct, and is now an active member in PETA.
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