My dad: family is the most important thing
Me: is that why you have two?
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) July 8, 2015
Young Adult Dystopian Novel Titles:
-We of the Soil
-The Glass Destroyer
-Bite the Apple
-The House of Pit
-No More Planets
— Amanda M-W (@Manda_like_wine) July 9, 2015
marketing in the 50s was wild easy. OK *THIS* MILK IS……………………..FROM SPACE. they had just invented space so it was v exciting
— DVS (@DVSblast) July 8, 2015
Olives are great if you love the taste of almost drowning in the ocean.
— Jessie (@NicCageMatch) July 10, 2015
If I ever dropped a mic the top would pop off, fly into the most beloved grandfather in the audience's mouth, and choke him to death.
— umami skeleton (@Merman_Melville) May 9, 2015
Imagine being rich enough to know you were allergic to horses
— shut up, mike (@shutupmikeginn) June 22, 2015
what's wrong son?
that kid said he's cooler than me
what? impossible. what kid?
*in my head im like don't be the kid with pegs on his bike*
— brent (@murrman5) July 8, 2015
*wipes doritos dust onto cum-stained sweatpants* hmmmmm time to pick out a flawless wife on the internet. not rihanna her forehead's too big
— black heart emoji (@moscaddie) July 7, 2015
if you want to see the typing bubble in real life be the first person in the relationship to say i love you
— pascalle (@frenchielaboozi) July 9, 2015
"always, always, always the bridesmaid…." pic.twitter.com/5iZQclftF3
— carrie christmas (@CarriePotter_) July 3, 2015
List compiled by @thenatewolf