Based on every episode of Chopped, a chef can only be hyper annoying or a recovering drug addict.
— Sean O'Connor (@seanoconnz) July 2, 2015
I was only mildly famous in the '90s but vaccinate your kids
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWilson) July 1, 2015
Don't objectify women but Ann Coulter is definitely a broom.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) July 2, 2015
"Good to see you" = "I'm not sure who you are but maybe we've met before but I don't know help me out here I'm about to have a mild stroke"
— Ed (@smedlee) June 29, 2015
[reality show, where a tree is just next to another tree]
The tension is at an all time high. Or maybe it's not. We think they're enemies
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) June 29, 2015
Shia LaBeouf is like a rough draft of Joaquin Phoenix.
— Josh Gondelman (@joshgondelman) June 29, 2015
400 soft, pink, angry men are now running to be the GOP nominee for president.
— rob delaney (@robdelaney) July 2, 2015
I've never seen anyone feeding pigeons who wasn't bleeding.
— Damien Fahey (@DamienFahey) July 2, 2015
This program is called HIGHLY QUESTIONABLE and even with the TV muted I know it's perfectly titled. pic.twitter.com/GeeLHINOJv
— Tom Ceraulo (@tceraulo) July 2, 2015
The Beatles: hey everybody, we're the Beatles
Ringo: [whispering] not really though. We're actually just human beings
— refriend beans (@pharmasean) July 3, 2015