Medieval Air BnB by @mscarlosdanger


The Space

Room type: there are some walls but they are mostly made of tragedy

Property type: hovel

Accommodates: 6-25

Bedrooms: 3

Bathrooms: what is that

Beds: 4 mats, unlimited floor

Check In: 2:30 PM

Check Out: your body is a vessel for sin and toil alone. dare you question the sun’s motions? fool



convenient death chamber

erratically benevolent feudal lord

cruel but just god

oaths of fealty renewal office two doors down

isn’t that a band

no wait that’s three doors down

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Extra people:

Cleaning Fee:  we have literally never heard of soap. nobody has any teeth and we are dead of the plague. o god, your ways are powerful and we are but dust upon your windshield, another thing we have never ever heard of

Weekly Price: $1000 /week

Monthly Price: ten firstborn sons

Cancellation: dare you break an oath? dare you, smythson????



The Space

we covered the walls and tragedy thing already and that’s about it. authentic dirt floors, 50s-style décor (1150s), and

Bedroom #1 : these don’t exist
Bedroom #2: sorrow storage room. also good-size space for a travel crib.

Guest Access

know thy place or god  shall remind you

The Neighborhood

We love our neighborhood!

Good International cuisines in walking distance, Indian, Mexican, Greek, Fusion Asian, Pizzeria.

Interaction with Guests

dare thee speak to thy temporary landlord, the benefactor of thy night’s rest? fool. your pillows are to be filled with lead and your lineage with naught but pestilence and poverty.

Getting Around

if thy legs give out beneath ye, it is only for the best. god’s will dictates that your body must decay as it lives, falling back to the worthless dust from which it rose.

Other Things to Note

no smoking please

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