Room type: there are some walls but they are mostly made of tragedy
Bathrooms: what is that
Beds: 4 mats, unlimited floor
Check In: 2:30 PM
Check Out: your body is a vessel for sin and toil alone. dare you question the sun’s motions? fool
convenient death chamber
erratically benevolent feudal lord
cruel but just god
oaths of fealty renewal office two doors down
isn’t that a band
no wait that’s three doors down
Cleaning Fee: we have literally never heard of soap. nobody has any teeth and we are dead of the plague. o god, your ways are powerful and we are but dust upon your windshield, another thing we have never ever heard of
Weekly Price: $1000 /week
Monthly Price: ten firstborn sons
Cancellation: dare you break an oath? dare you, smythson????
we covered the walls and tragedy thing already and that’s about it. authentic dirt floors, 50s-style décor (1150s), and
Bedroom #1 : these don’t exist
Bedroom #2: sorrow storage room. also good-size space for a travel crib.
know thy place or god shall remind you
We love our neighborhood!
Good International cuisines in walking distance, Indian, Mexican, Greek, Fusion Asian, Pizzeria.
Interaction with Guests
dare thee speak to thy temporary landlord, the benefactor of thy night’s rest? fool. your pillows are to be filled with lead and your lineage with naught but pestilence and poverty.
if thy legs give out beneath ye, it is only for the best. god’s will dictates that your body must decay as it lives, falling back to the worthless dust from which it rose.
Other Things to Note
no smoking please