We’re Out of Bananas by @jpaulmassengale



So it finally happened, we ran out of bananas. “Stop eating all the bananas guys we only have like five left” they warned. “Come on guys seriously stop it!” they said. But of course we didn’t listen. We never listen.

Someone ate the fourth to last one. Just ate it with no regard to the rest of us. “Wait did someone really just eat one of the bananas, what do you all not get about this?” they cried out. After that the fourth to last one was eaten just as quickly. Like the snap of two fingers or like a baseball that was thrown real real fast or like a super fast car or like a bird, one of the fast ones, or like the main character of those Speed Racer cartoons.

My soul is not clean, though, for I stained it when I ate the third to last banana. Stained it like a raspberry on a white shirt, or like a raspberry on some white shorts, or like a raspberry on a white rug, or like a raspberry on some white shorts, or like a raspberry on the white fur of a hardy arctic fox, or like sex. What I’m trying to say is I ate one of the bananas and I am deeply sorry.

“Okay well since apparently all of you are going to have a banana I guess we’ll go ahead and have one too” they exclaimed, causing the loss of the second to last banana. They were supposed to be the voice of reason. The ones to keep us sane in these times of trial. But, alas, even they fell to the temptation of the banana. “Look we still have one left its fine guys, its fine, come on its fine! This is bullshit why do we have to feel like the bad guys here we only had one banana all of you had three! This sucks.” The guilt ate away at them as they had eaten away at the banana.

So at last we have come to the final banana. What happened to the final banana? Who can say. No one really knows, though everyone has an opinion. Some say it was lost at sea when we went out at sea. Some say it was left in the cab on the ride back from the sea. Some say Weird Todd ate it. Any of these could be true, or none of these could be true, there is no way to know. Only one thing is for sure, though, we are out of bananas.

Tweet about this on TwitterShare on Facebookshare on TumblrShare on RedditPin on Pinterest